Written by Mansfield Lucas

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ESPN has gotten on my last nerve for the past several years. What used to be a phresh approach to sports’ reporting has turned into a tired, pre-packaged celebration of the cult-of-me that plagues sports and a hype machine for contrived controversy. But I will admit that this NFL year in review video has been at the top of my most played you tube clips, knocking the annoying orange  I watch with my shawties down a peg. And after this Browns’ season, I can really identify with Moss’ signature, “I really don’t know, I really don’t care. I just don’t know” take.

That is exactly how I feel about the Browns.

As the latest version of muh own scatological sammichis added to the legacy of Black Sunday in ‘99 and the Eve of Destruction in ’05 and wraps up yet another imploding season sending acoaching staff to the unemployment line yet again, I am left to ponder both the circumstance and the significance of the Cleveland Browns.  I was there yesterday. The saddest part is no longer the overall stumble bum play of the team against the Sucklers. Nor is it the abject candy ass intimidation factor that turns an offense with this left offensive line consisting of two number one picks and a guard who should be in the pro bowl, plus a 260 pound wrecking ball tailback behind a battering ram fullback into a flag football team at the mere sight of their goal line defense in a first and goal at the two situation. It isn’t even the blood boiling insult of the Inbred hoard infesting the house and turning it out that has resulted in my being asked to leave the premises by C-town’s finest in the past. (Thanks again to the season ticket holders who pimped out the home field advantage and team pride for a few bucks.The saddest part isn’t that I actually started to have a tolerable time mocking my team sitting near the wanna-be Appalachians, one from Youngstown, and the other from Tuscarawas County; neither of whom could tell the difference between the Allegheny and Monongahela standing on  Mt. Washington, and I wasn’t even drinking.

I think the saddest part is I have no idea how this thing ever gets fixed, nor do I really believe that it ever will. And I’m really not in the mood to read or hear agendas and oversimplified sophistry in the media, the blogosphere, or the communities. This thing is screwed up far beyond two seasons of Eric Mangini’s coaching being the scapegoat.

I don’t consider myself to be an Eric Mangini apologist, but if you ever tried to give the man a fair shake and identify what he was trying to do and the progress made with anything that I consider objectivity and situational relevance I suppose one gets painted in that corner. Eric Mangini was not a likeable public figure as a head football coach. He made mistakes and should be accountable. He has an ownership stake in how bad this team sucks to be mired at 5 – 11. But in taking over the Animal House left by Opie and Grimace, he instilled discipline and the first discernable system that I can see in The BTNG (Browns: The Next Generation) era. I knew what he was trying to do and appreciated who he was trying to do it with in terms of on field talent. No one is to blame but Mangini for the ill-fated 2009 draft; except Randy Lerner. So that responsibility is on him. But in his time as coach, he’d put together both a silk purse from spoiled, moldy chitterlings and he’d watched his team play with slop and disinterest. Was his potential a reflection of the team we saw throttle New Orleans and New England only to vanish after the heartbreaking overtime loss versus the Jets or the one that opened 2009 and closed 2010?  The fact that they played so poorly in the last four games, as well as this whole manufactured clash of these two “great philosophical systems”that was really just different old boys’ club membershipdoomed him thismorning. And the result is that we get head coach number six after just twelve seasons. And we fans will again likely get muh own sammich.

Let’s get one thing straight from Jump Street: I don’t give a rat’s butt about Eric Mangini per se. New boss, old boss, hired to be fired, all that.  Do not miscategorize what follows as tantric. What I care about is the continued impatience and revolving rudderless suck that seems to continue to define TBTNG.  I don’t know if Mangini was the right guy.There is reason for doubt. Giving him adequate time and talent to fit a definable system might be have been such a colossal waste of time it made Wayne Fontes look like a good idea. I pretty much don’t care now either. What I doknowfor a fact is what hitting re-boot button with an outside coach accomplishes. It sets this franchise back for another four years of rudderless suck if new schemes and systems are put into place. It means a roster purge of guys who will go off to be serviceable and valuable players for other teams because the new staff is prejudiced the whole team sucks (except for new bosses’ 2010 draft). It means yet more crappy washed up free agents and traded cast offs from old guy’s team to band aid system and roster changes. It means yet more overrated and unready draft picks handed jobs. It means more blaming the past administration. It means more confusion about team identity and organizational philosophy and responsibilities. It means more rudderless suck. It means more Black Sunday’s, Eve’s of Destruction, and whatever the hell last Sunday gets glossed.

It means more expansion team football for what now seems like perpetuity.

Since he apparently had to make another change,“Coach” Holmgren (right now this title used by the players is kind of like “Colonel” Sanders), better be damn sure he does this right. Because right now, Mickey adds no discernable value to this organization. That’s right, you read that. Major propers to Tom Heckert for the 2010 draft. He is a draft day witch. Four or five more of those that can fit a defined football system with consistent, stable, coaching and we might be relevant in our own division. He does need to lay off the sloppy seconds of his former organization before someone starts talking about Kevin Kolb as The Answer.  Sheldon Brown needs an upgrade stat, Chris Gocong was pretty much invisible for all 16 weeks, and Mike Bell couldn’t even effectively spell Peyton Hillis for 10 touches a game. One over the hill player and two bums isn’t what I’d exactly call a haul. But I digress.

“Coach” Holmgren, I suggest that you put your money where your mouth is. In other words, put yah name on it. Be The Man. Do something of value. Come down from Mount Olympus, Zeus, and take the dang whistle, or hire John Gruden, a proven winning coach you can work with apparently. Period. End of acceptable options. Don’t you freaking dare do some stupid protracted real or kangaroo court search and have it end with John Gruden issuing a statement about how happy he is to watch his son and terrorize some poor high school schmuck ref and introduce Marty freaking “I’ll defer in sudden death OT” Mornhinwegand his .156 winning percentage at a presser.Don’t hire some first-time head coach who will be over his head in an unstable organization trying to get on the job training while you stand over him like a personified Sword of Damocles because you are coy about wanting to coach again.  Don’t even try to sell me that because I’m not buying from day one. Shoot, I call BS on that right now. Don’t lie to me that Marty Mornhinwegis a philosophical football fit like as if all y’all football coaches are Hume and Kant debating the meaning of experience. Don’t BS me that Marty M worked with Heckert in Philly. And don’t make up that he did anything to do with resurrecting Mike Vick’s career like the old Fudd Palmer quarterback guru myth. Don’t bother giving me an unreasonable facsimile of a retread failure just because he’s your boi. Be a Man instead. Put your name on it.

And since the Browns made this drastic change of firing a coach of a team with sub-par talent after only two seasons, leave the defensive scheme alone. Changing to a 4 – 3 opens up at least a half-dozen personnel holes, creates a need to install completely new technique in what surely will be a contested off season devoid of OTA activities, and possibly training camp,  and puts the personnel acquisition process behind at least three additional seasons. The only interchangeable front seven talent is Scott Fujita. The rest are both aging and need to be replaced or pure 3 – 4 players. There isn’t a single 4- 3 defensive end on the team, and you need four of them for 4 – 3 line rotation. There’s not one legitimate decent 4- 3 linebacker other than Fujita. And with Shaun Rogers being old and past prime, there isn’t a single legitimate one gap interior defensive lineman either. There is too much to be done on offense, the real problem of the team, to open up all the additional holes and create yet another five year plan. If you do come down and decide to do something in Berea other than show up in a press conference once every three months or so, or you do manage to lure Gruden here with enough of Lerner’s never-ending money supply, then leave the multiple 3 – 4 in place and use the lion’s share of the player personnel resources to fix the anemic offense so the defense doesn’t look like an expansion team. Because as frustrating as the season finale was with the team ready for vacation, and as overrated as the local version of the Von Ryan Family hype machine is, we did see the potential for much of the season if we can add but another legitimate cornerback and an impact pass rusher to go along with a long-term player developmental program that fits a defined scheme.

Lastly, I am not certain that Colt McCoy is the anointed future of the team. I’m also not sure he isn’t. I really don’t know. I don’t know if conventional wisdom is correct with the approach of developing a single quarterback so as to preserve confidence and live through the inevitable rookie ups and downs, or whether competition brings out the best as with every other position on the field. While I do not think it will be possible to obtain Andrew Luck should he elect to come out (and in this CBA situation, he shouldn’t) no matter what the cost, I don’t think it is the sound and fury of a lunatic to suggest that Heckert very carefully evaluate Jake Locker and Ryan Mallett in addition to any wide receiver options that should be contemplated,and there may be up to five unreal wide out talents in this draft should A.J. Green, Julio Jones, Justin Blackmon, Leonard Hankerson, and Alshon Jeffrey come into the draft. All five have potential pro bowl talent.

Colt McCoy can ball a little. Of that I am convinced. He is no Luke McKown joke and how can you not love his intangibles? But McCoy seems to present certain physical limitations that will result in the defense not having to cover the whole field, and he will probably never be a true franchise quarterback. In a town that has had so little to cheer for still enamored with Brian Sipe, however, McCoy may well get a window of opportunity to develop. I really don’t know what to do about lil Colt. Love his game and understand his rookie limitations, but I can’t fully buy into his upside. I guess I have to stay off the “at least we found our quarterback” bandwagon for now, but I’d prioritize other areas on the team and see what he can do with 16 or 18 starts.

Mike Holmgren has largely been the quiet observer up to now. No one really knows what he is thinking for sure. We’ll find that out this week, and soon enough we’ll know whether we have a “legitimate football man” who will either take charge himself or another sham who may as well just step off. Don’t try to bamboozle a fan base that has lived through the shenanigans of politicians like Paul Tagliabue, Bill Futterer, Carmen Policy, Butch Davis, and Phil Savage with some retread bum or wet behind the ears newbie just because he’s in your old boys club, Mike. Sell snake oil somewhere else. We’re all stocked up here.

Other than that, I really don’t know, and I really don’t care.