Written by Chris Hutchison

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This past Sunday, I found myself wandering from room to room.  I'd enter one, then stop, confused - staring around, trying to remember why I had come there, what I was doing.  Was I looking for something?  No, I don't think that was it.  Was there some task I was to perform in that room?  No, that couldn't be it either.  So I'd walk into another room and stand there, clueless.  Something was... missing...

 

"Honey?" my girlfriend asked.  "What are you doing?"

 

"Huh?"  Even the question she asked was confusing... and who the hell was she anyway?  She looked familiar, as did those children who kept calling me "Daddy", but as if from another life or a weird dream.

 

"You keep wandering around.  Is something wrong?"

 

I finally looked at the strange woman, one of my eyes blinking spasmodically.

 

"I... I don't know..."

 

It wasn't until later, sometime around 3 pm, when we figured it out.  She found me in my office, turning the TV on, flipping through channels, turning it off, looking at my computer, turning the TV back on, repeat, repeat, repeat...

 

"It's not on," she told me.

 

"What isn't?" I asked desperately.  She knew!

 

"Football.  It's done.  The season's over.  There are no more games on."

 

And that's when it hit me.  The finality of it all... The season was... over.  Done.  Gone.

 

"It's... gone..." I whispered, a single tear cascading down my cheek.  My girlfriend walked over and held me tight as the reality of it washed over me in agonizing waves.  No more football.  Just a vast empty space in my life where football had been, a void deeper and more terrifying than a black hole or the national deficit.

 

Gone.  Gone forever.

 

Or at least until the CBA bullshit can be unraveled.

 

I just ordered some Don't Kill Yourself books.

_____________________

 

Regarding the CBA Bullshit 

 

If the CBA bullshit hits the fan (and you can bet it will), it will mean the delay of Free Agency and the cancellation of OTA's, minicamps, and possibly even Training Camp and the Preseason.  This will inevitably affect every team, but it will undoubtedly hurt teams like the Browns the most.

 

Why?  New Head Coach.  New Defensive Coordinator.  New Offensive Coordinator (er, oh, that's the Head Coach still).  New Offensive System.  New Defensive System.  Unproven QB.  Lots of new players.  Zero time to put that all together.

 

Teams like, say, Green Bay will be least affected - it's not like they're gonna change a ton during the offseason anyway, and they've all played together long enough to pick it back up after a couple slightly rusty weeks.  But teams that have completely new coaching staffs like Cleveland, Carolina, San Francisco, and Denver will have more growing pains than a couple rusty weeks.  More like a rusty season.

 

(I did not include Oakland, Minnesota, Dallas, or Tennessee since those teams promoted from within and will likely have a lot less change to deal with.)

 

In fact, if no deal is reached until September or beyond, the Browns could very well be vying for the #1 overall pick in the 2012 draft - and it won't be the fault of the players, front office, or coaching staff at all.  In a perfect world, it's still difficult to implement all the changes they have in store.  Trying to fit 6 months of system installation into 2 weeks?  Yeah, good luck with that.

 

So, unless you're a big fan of tanking the 2011 season in an effort to get Andrew Luck, you'd better hope that the powers that be can get this thing fixed pronto.  And I'm here to help them with my handy-dandy suggestions:

 

1. Fix the Revenue Sharing

 

This from an informative USA Today article:  Of the approximately $9 billion in revenue the NFL generated in 2010, 59.5% of that goes to players after the owners receive $1 billion off the top in "cost credits."

 

So, let's do the math (and hope we're not screwing it up):  $1 billion goes to the owners off the top, leaving $8 billion in revenue.  59.5% of that 8 is $4.76 billion.  The owner's share of it is $3.24 billion, and when added to the billion they got off the top, comes to a grand total of $4.24 billion.

 

Am I the only one wondering if the crux of the problem is that the owners are peeved because the players are making more money?  A little over $500 million more, in fact, and the deficit between the numbers would just continue to grow as the revenue increases.

 

Yep - it's a good bet that once the owners realized this fact (I'm guessing they didn't expect the revenue to get that high that quick), that $1 billion off the top that they guaranteed themselves looked like small change, and that was the impetus between them opting out of the CBA in the first place.

 

The owners will never admit it even if it is true - the last thing Joe Everyman is gonna want to hear is some billionaire pouting because the golden pie isn't sliced in their favor.  But these guys didn't get to be billionaires because they were satisfied with just being ridiculously wealthy.  They want obscenely wealthy.  And they don't want to "lose out" to anyone.

 

In the interest of just getting the issue over and done with, just give the babies their half.  Come up with some system that splits the revenue right down the middle 50-50 and be done with it.

 

Yes, that means the players would be "giving something back" (about $260 million), but we're not talking an enormous amount here when it's divided 32 ways, and then again by 53.

 

But since "giving something back" is not what negotiators get paid for, this is likely to be the sticking point.  It's unfortunate too, because we'll likely miss most of the offseason and possibly a few games before the owners shove this down the players' throats anyway.

 

And by that time, taking 59.5% of the dwindled revenue (after the "off the top" billion has been deducted) ain't gonna look nearly as sweet.

 

2. Better Health Insurance

 

The players are employees whom often suffer long-term or permanent injury doing their jobs.  They deserve to never have to worry about the health care they are required to seek due to these injuries.

 

The NFL is now touting a tough stance on "player safety", but it rings false when they wash their hands of said player once they have left the league.  If you want to prove to the NFL player that you care about their well-being - both now and the future - and you're asking them to "give something back", then satisfy their health care needs.

 

Obviously, you can't support for a lifetime every schmoe undrafted rookie that blew his knee out in Training Camp.  The health care system they employ will have to have some kind of time-of-service scale.  But if a player should last - if you have to put a number on it (they'll have to) - say, 5+ years in the league, then any lifelong knee/ankle/shoulder/back injuries should be addressed fully.

 

3. Keep the season at 16 games

 

If there was some massive public outcry for 2 more regular season games, I don't remember it.  The NFL contends that many fans have expressed the desire to turn 2 Preseason games into games that count, and I can see where that might be appetizing, especially to season ticket holders that currently have to pay regular season prices for 2 practice games.  Not to mention that the NFL could certainly squeeze some more money out of TV contracts for 2 extra weeks of games to broadcast.

 

However, I think the average fan also understands how important those extra 2 practice games are to the teams.  Maybe not to the established veterans and starters, but to those young guys scrambling, trying to make names for themselves, just fighting for a roster spot - the games are essential.

 

And if you think that you're going to see quality regular season football after only 2 practice games, you are mistaken.  There's already plenty of less-than-sexy execution in the first couple weeks.

 

I get the feeling that the NFL threw the 18 game schedule out there as a card that they could later withdraw and make it look like they were making a concession - a very smart move.  And I also get the feeling that the players really don't care if they add another couple games onto the schedule, but are forced to trump up the injury issue as a card of their own - also smart.

 

In the end, the best move would be for the NFL to table the 18 game schedule as a peace gesture - the thing that they "give back".  Most fans couldn't care less about 16 vs. 18 games as long as the labor situation is fixed.  And it's not like the NFL couldn't dangle 18 games over the Player's Union's heads like the Sword of Damacles for years to come.

 

4. Establish a Rookie Pay Scale

 

This one is a done deal.  The players want this as much as the owners - they're sick of rookies coming in and making more than they do without ever having played a down, and they're sick of getting cut to make room for young guys that the team has too much "invested" in to set loose.

 

Plus, it rids the NFL of its most annoying aspect:  the dreaded holdouts.

 

The only worry the players have is that the owners will pocket the money they save on rookies rather than circulate it out to the veterans, a fear that could be alleviated by ensuring the next point.

 

5. Maintain a Salary Cap/Floor

 

This is essential.  The hard salary cap is what has rocketed the NFL into easily the most popular sport in America.  Every team - no matter the market - has an equal opportunity to win.  The system is designed for bad teams to get good more quickly than in other sports - awful franchises turn it around in a season or two all the time.

 

Also essential is maintaining a Salary Floor, so the cheap bastards of the world don't just try to pocket their cash to the detriment of their team.  This also placates the players that want to make sure that they're not getting short-shifted.

 

6. Establish a Minor League system

 

I don't know if this is really on the table, but it makes a lot of sense and it's a win for everyone.

 

Each team gets a minor league team.  It can be made up of about 45-50 players, each making the minimum for each week they play in the minors, must have 4 or less years of NFL experience (or whatever guidelines they want - you get the picture).

 

Goodbye to practice squads.  Goodbye to teams pillaging your draft picks.  Goodbye to having to cut those raw talents just because there isn't enough room.  Goodbye to developmental QB's rotting away on the bench.  Not to mention that fans of a certain team have a whole new venue to watch with great interest, arguing about who is developing and who should come up and who should go down.

 

There's 2 ways to go about this:  One is to have the minor league teams located in a smaller venue near the parent club, somewhere within the existing fan base for that NFL team.  The Browns' minor league team could play in Akron, Cincy in Dayton, Pittsburgh in one of those god-forsaken towns in western PA... you get the picture.  And if tickets are priced accordingly, I guarantee those games will be sold out.

 

The other way is to have the minor league teams play in developing markets.  The NFL talks all the time of expanding the fan base - having (for instance) the NFC's minor league teams play in Mexico and the AFC's minor league teams play in Europe.  Sure, that was done to some extent in the past (WLAF, NFL Europe), but the fact that the teams are affiliated with existing NFL franchises might boost interest.  Besides, if you're dead-set to shove American Football down other people's throats, this would be the first step.

 

You play the minor league season at the same time as the NFL.  You schedule the games for a different day than the NFL games - maybe, say, Thursday nights - to squeeze out the most attendance/viewership/interest.  A slightly shorter season - maybe 12 games.  Playoffs optional.

 

This is a win for the players, who see more of their peers employed, allowing guys that would otherwise give up their dreams and pack it in more of a chance to develop themselves into actual Pros.  It gives rookies more of a chance to learn through playing rather than watching, and it certainly reduces the number of guys that have to spend their year getting cut and drifting from team to team.  And not a bad place for young coaches to cut their teeth, either.

 

This is a win for the fans, because it's even more football to watch and talk about, and maybe a slightly less-expensive alternative to the real thing.

 

This is a win for the owners, because it helps further grow that revenue stream.  Do you think for one moment that TV wouldn't jump at a chance to televise those minor league games?  Maybe not the big networks, but someone will pay significant dollars to show the contests, and I bet even and ESPN/CBS/Fox/NBC would televise a Thursday Night Game of the Week nationally.

 

Then the owners can tell the players "To help make up for the percentage cut you'll be taking in revenue, we'll help increase the amount of the revenue itself.  Then you won't really be losing anything."  It's bullshit, of course, but it sounds nice.

 

Likely, these points are old news to the parties in question, and some or all of them will actually be enacted once the CBA is reached.  Sadly for, well, everyone, the two sides will probably drag this thing on far longer than needed before coming to the same resolution they would have reached if they had just sat down, swallowed some pride and posturing, and gotten it done before it did any damage.

 

But even the smartest men and women in the world can become frickin' idiots under the drunken influence of money and power, and the NFL has plenty of money and power to spare.

_____________________

 

Regarding Tom Heckert's Honesty

 

In an interview with the Plain Dealer last week, Tom Heckert made several responses which were, to put it bluntly, blunt.

 

Asked about the trade for Jayme Mitchell:  He was by far our best pass rusher and never got on the field, so I can't answer that one.  Eric watched him [on tape prior to the trade] and Eric liked him. So I don't know what happened after that.

 

Asked about loading up with 7 WR's while only having 2 RB's last year:  The guys we loaded up on are guys we kind of liked and those guys are still going to be here.  Why we didn't use them? That question I can't answer.

 

Asked about trading Jerome Harrison:  I'm not saying we shouldn't have done it because Jerome ... he wasn't begging to get out of here, but he was acting like he wanted to get out of here. It wasn't going to do us a whole lot of good to keep him here. Jerome was kind of going through the motions. I think he thought he should have been playing more...  once Eric wanted us to get rid of Jerome, that's when it started [going bad]. Once you get rid of that guy then it's just tough to find guys."

 

Asked about the Cornerback situation in 2010:  We thought we had three really good corners. Eric Wright, whatever happened to him I have no idea. If Eric Wright would have played like he played the year before, we probably would have had one of top three guys around. But Eric Wright didn't play very well.

 

The Plain Dealer also added "Heckert indicated the team was weary of Rogers' attitude and unwillingness to practice. Rogers routinely did not practice until Friday, a light preparation day. He was always listed on the injury report with ankle and hip injuries, yet somehow was active for 15 of the 16 games".  Now, I take this assertion with a grain of salt because, well, it's Tony Grossi, and why make a statement like that and not quote what Heckert said?  However, I don't find it hard to believe that Heckert is happy to be rid of Rogers.

 

I want to say that I appreciate that he's willing to level with Joe Everyone, that I find his honesty refreshing.  But I can't.  The fans of Cleveland sports should recognize this more quickly than the average - we, of course, were front-row witnesses to the kind of backlash that some statements can generate, whether they are true or not.  Just ask Dan Gilbert.

 

There's no reason to throw Eric Mangini under the bus.  Yeah, his personnel and playing-time decisions mystified me too, but he's gone now. 

 

There's no reason to throw Shaun Rogers under the bus.  Yeah, he was lazy and got preferential treatment and didn't really do much to help the team, but he's gone now.

 

There's no reason to throw Eric Wright under the bus.  Yeah, his play was a disaster post-Baltimore, but he's gone now (at least after those comments he is).

 

Most of what Heckert said is 100% true.  But it's also 100% unnecessary.  Take the high road.

 

What do you gain by saying these things?  The fans have more understanding of your decisions?  You look better in public perception?  You don't want to take the blame for something that's not your fault?  Not necessary.  Ignore the fans.  Ignore the public.  Hell, ignore the media if you have to.  Your job is to build a winner, not explain yourself to Joe Everybody.  If you're not winning, you're gonna get the blunt of the blame anyway, whether you deserve it or not.

 

What do you lose by saying these things?  Well, not much probably.  Other than you slandered a couple players, and other players will notice that.  In the end, money and a chance to win will overcome player dissatisfaction, but if you only have one of those things, no need to go pissing in the pool.

_____________________

 

Regarding Cohesion

 

We can at least be happy about one thing - with Holmgren and Heckert having assembled a team of coaches, scouts, and front-office types that are (we assume) in lockstep with the organizational theory from the top down... we won't have the kind of disconnect that obviously existed between Mangini and Heckert.

 

Whether that results in more wins... who knows?  It sure as flapjacks can't hurt.

_____________________

 

Regarding The Super Bowl Champion Green Bay Packers

 

Yes, I just received my Green Bay Super Bowl Championship t-shirt.  It's green with some yellow and white lettering, loudly proclaiming the Packers' glorious victory over some other team they played (I can't remember who it was).

 

In all honesty, I don't give a damn about the Packers.  Sure, I like them probably more than the average team - they play outside in the cold, they come from a small, working class community, none of their players rape people.  But really my interest in them isn't any more than any of the other teams - for me, there's the Browns and everyone else.

 

So normally I wouldn't be purchasing and proudly wearing the t-shirt proclaiming Championship for a team that I don't really care about.  Except that it will piss off so many Steelers fans.

 

I can just see myself walking through some store, earning scowls from the random Steeler fans that might be there.  Maybe one of them will actually say something to me.

 

Steeler fan:  Oh, you're a Green Bay fan, huh?

 

Me:  Oh yeah.  I've always been a Packer fan.  My uncle's ex-wife's 3rd grade teacher was from Wisconsin, so I've always rooted for Green Bay.

 

Steeler fan:  Yeah right.  That's what they all say.

 

Me:  I understand.  Aren't bandwagon fans annoying?

_____________________

 

Thing I Like Aaron Goldhammer More Than

 

Giant Eagle

 

I walked into the Giant Eagle in North Canton on the day before Super Bowl Sunday, and I stopped dead in my tracks.  What to my wondering eyes should appear but a crapload of Steelers gear.  Steelers balloons, Steelers shirts, Steelers cakes, Steelers hankies, Steelers suppositories.  It was like Moron Cope took a dump all over the store.

 

I was shocked.  In the heart of what is supposed to be Browns country, this store had the audacity to flaunt Steeler garbage like we were in the heart of Appalachia.  All right, this is vomitous, I thought to myself.  This store manager can go... But then I looked down and saw a sign that made my jaw drop in revulsion.

 

 

 

You gotta be f-in' kiddin' me.

 

Yeah, I'm perfectly aware that Giant Eagle is headquartered in "beautiful" Pittsburgh, PA.  I don't care.  The arrogance of those jackwads to throw that slime in the faces of their supposed customers in known Browns territory is unconscionable.  The lack of respect is disgusting.  You think a supermarket in Jerusalem is going to pronounce itself "Official Grocery Store of Hezbollah"?

 

I turned and left.  I will not spend money there again.

 

I texted a few people my horror, then I called my girlfriend and explained to her the situation.  I was sputtering, beside myself.  She asked me if she should stop shopping there, as if I would take it as base treason for her to patronize their store.  "I know you like getting the fuel perks, so you go where you have to go."

 

"Yeah, but they jack up the prices to pay for those fuel perks," she told me.  This was news to me, since I don't do the grocery shopping.  And, as she needed to get groceries anyway, we decided to perform a little experiment.

 

I picked her up and went with her on the "big" grocery trip (something I never do) to Fisher's, where she bought $351 worth of merchandise.  We then went back to Giant Eagle and priced the exact same items (accompanied by me making loud and snide comments about bandwagons and toothlessness), the total came to $408, $57 more expensive.

 

If you go to Get Go (the Giant Eagle-owned gas stations), you get 10 cents off for every $50 you spend at Giant Eagle.  So, if we had shopped at Flaccid Turkey on that day, the $400 we would've spent would've netted us 80 cents off per gallon.  Now, if my car is bone dry, I can fit a little over 17 gallons in her.  That means that spending an extra $57 in groceries would save $13.60 in gas.

 

I know that math will be lost on Steelers fans, but I'm sure the rest of you can perform the necessary subtraction.

 

So, denizens of BrownsWorld... I urge you to boycott the establishment formerly known as Giant Eagle.  Not only is it a righteous blow against the invading hordes of unwashed, towel-waving Pennsyltuckians, but you'll save money due to the sham that is Fuel Perks.

 

Plus, I went through there and licked a bunch of stuff.  The canned goods might be OK, but I wouldn't buy anything in the produce or bakery section, and especially avoid the salad bar.  And I had swine flu that day.