Written by Chris Hutchison

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April 6, 2011, a day of monumental importance for the future of the NFL as we know it, came and went with all the fanfare of a WNBA Draft.  And at least something happened at the WNBA Draft, at least something was accomplished.  The Brady-Manning-NFL-Lockout-Injunction hearing turned out to be a fizzle, with the Judge delaying any judgment and pressing the 2 sides to get back to mediation (which seems difficult since one side is supposed to be pretending that it's not really a Union, but whatever).

 

At least that's presumably happening.  Not that I expect the prima donnas to come to terms with the trust fund babies, but I also once predicted that I'd never see a professional sports championship in Northeast Ohio, and then along came the Cleveland CrunchForce to win the National Major Indoor Soccer League Association of America Championship back in... maybe the 90's?... and, well, I've been a believer ever since.

 

Anyway, something might happen, something might not; I can't be bothered to pay attention.

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Regarding Defensive Linemen 

 

Did the Free Agent-ish Wide Receivers last week, so now we go on to the other area of greatest need, the D Line.  With the move to the 4-3, we now have one real bona-fide starter - Ahtyba Rubin, a Defensive Tackle.  They'll need at least one more DT and 2 DE's if they expect to field a team that has any shot of reminding the opposing QB that football is supposed to be a violent sport.

 

One could surmise that Matt Roth, who may or may not be Restricted, could fill one of those DE spots.  But one wouldn't be excited about it.

 

One could also surmise that the Browns might well address one of these positions with the 6th pick in the draft.  That's fine, but that one stitch won't close the whole wound.

 

As with last time  "U" means unrestricted.  "5" and "4" means that's how many years they have under their belt.  They might be unrestricted, they might be restricted... it all depends on the new CBA.

 

Defensive Ends

 

Jason Babin (U) - With 58 tackles, 12.5 sacks, and 2 forced fumbles last season as a Titans DE, Babin is sure to be in high demand.  He's threatening to join the CFL or UFL if the lockout continues, but that's just blabber.  He'd have to play in the CFL for 132 years just to make what he'll get as a signing bonus in the NFL.  There's very little in the way of quality DE Free Agents out there (teams tend to not let them get away), so the Browns might do well to be the team that pays that bonus.

 

Shaun Ellis (U) - Well, he's getting up there in age (34 in June), and he's one of a plethora of listed DE's that probably would play DT in a 4-3, but I'll keep him here because of his pass rush ability and the fact that he CAN play 4-3 DE too.  He might be one of those 1 year, incentive-laden contract guys that can be had relatively reasonably.

 

Jason Taylor (U) - Sold yer soul for a bag of magic beans, and what'd they getcha?  Well, the AFC Championship Game, but that's beside the point, it still wasn't the Super Bowl.  Ha!  And you lost on that dancing show.  Double ha!  Akron still hates you!  Oh, wait, no, that's some other guy, Akron actually likes you.  Never mind.  PS, not an option for the Browns.

 

Matt Roth (U) - Damn.  He's actually starting to look good now.  Not that good, but still kinda good.  Had 86 tackles last year, but that stat is outta whack because he was an OLB in the 3-4.  3.5 sacks, 2 batted balls... at least he doesn't look like he's "lost it" (if he ever had "it", that is).

 

Vernon Ghoulston (U) - Stop laughing.  Seriously, stop.  Yes, dude's an epic flop as a 3-4 OLB.  That's not what he played in college, though.  There, he was a 4-3 DE, and he was good enough at that to get drafted damn high.  So before we write him off forever, it would be interesting to see how he fared at his natural position.  And he could be had for pennies on the dollar.  I'm not saying pin your hopes to this guy, but counting on him as a backup and giving him a shot... no problem with that. 

 

Ray Edwards (5) - If he's Restricted, he's got a 1st Round tender on him, but he'll likely be Unrestricted and fair game to the highest bidder.  Edwards is in his prime and a solid pass rusher (16.5 sacks the last 2 years), so his services will sure to be in demand.  That means he'd be a difficult sign, but not impossible.

 

Mathias Kiwanuka (5) - A similar situation to Edwards, as he has a 2nd Round tender on him that will likely never see the light of day.  Kiwanuka was hurt most of last season and got somewhat lost in the Giants' deep DL rotation, but has shown good pass rush ability in the past and could thrive on a team where he was The Man.

 

Jayme Mitchell (5) - Mitchell was the source of some controversy earlier this year when Tom Heckert somewhat slammed Eric Mangini for not playing this guy more after the Browns traded for him in the middle of last season, calling Jayme the Browns' "Best Pass Rusher".  It would be nice to find out if he was right (though I'm not breaking the bank to do so).

 

Charles Johnson (4) - Good enough that the Panthers considered Franchising him, and that's expensive for DE's.  Sadly, he'll likely be Restricted, which will make it damn difficult to pry him out of Carolina, but his 62 tackles and 11.5 sacks make a compelling argument to try.  The kind of player that maybe you have to trade for.

 

Cliff Avril (R) - Only 3 years in the league, and the Lions tendered him with a 1st and 3rd, so it will be next to impossible to get this guy in a Browns uniform for 2011.  Still, 8.5 sacks last year, 5 batted balls, 1 forced fumble... he's a playmaker.  Stranger things have happened.  Not many, but some.

 

 

Defensive Tackles

 

Cullen Jenkins (U) - 7 sacks in 11 games last year.  It sounds like the Packers have enough depth (and he might be expensive enough) that they might let him walk.  Jenkins is described as scheme-diverse, which is babble for him being good in either a 3-4 or 4-3.  But Jenkins likely is a DT in a 4-3, so ignore any listings you see that have him as a top DE prospect.

 

Pat Williams (U) - I know most people think of him as a Nose Tackle, but he's played in a 4-3 for like forever, and has always been a great run stuffer.  Problems?  Well, the Vikes really want him back, and he's more like to go back there than here.  And he's actually older than I am (38), so he's prone to not being around/healthy long.  I'm thinking Ted Washington here.  Ted Washington was good for a long time.  Ted Washington wasn't good at the end.

 

Aubrayo Franklin (U) - Really more of 3-4 NT, and looking to cash in as such, so probably out of the Browns picture.  Still, a very solid player that the Browns should perform due diligence upon.

 

Kris Jenkins (U) - Also more of a 3-4 NT, but could certainly play a decent 4-3 DT, and is looking for a grass field to (hopefully) prolong his career.  The reason for this, of course, would be that he'll be 32 once the season starts with 2 ACL surgeries on his left knee.  Probably not ideal for what we need.

 

Ron Edwards (U) - Good run defender that had decent stats (26 tackles, 2 sacks, 1 pass defensed), but he's also in his 30's, looking for a big paycheck, and likely to re-sign with his current team (Chiefs).

 

Anthony Hargrove (U) - This is more along the lines of what we need.  29 tackles and 1 sack last year (5 sacks in the SB year of '09), in the height of his playing career (28), maybe can be swayed into giving Cleveland a chance by ol'-buddy-ol'-pal Scott Fujita (I have no idea if they're friends or not, but it's worth a shot).

 

Tommie Harris (U) - A lot of people think the injuries have done this guy in and that he'll only be a shell of the player he once was.  Could be.  Knee injuries really screw with the careers of linemen.  But he could be a good one-year, incentive-laden project if the powers that be deem it so.

 

Marcus Spears (U) - He's got an easily recognizable name, but his best years are likely in the rearview and not as close as they appear.  Plus, he's yet another 3-4 DE that probably plays DT in a 4-3.  I don't imagine that Heckgren will be zoning in on this guy.

 

Robaire Smith (U) - Robaire is 157 years old now, and has had more injuries than the armless/legless knight from Monty Python.  Still, I love the old guy and he can be productive when healthy.  I wouldn't mind seeing him back in Berea... but probably not as a starter.

 

Gerard Warren (U) - Yeah, pay him the veteran minimum and make him come back here and earn his first contract.  For someone who will be forever thought of in Cleveland as "The Pick That Could've Been LaDainian Tomlinson", Warren's still in the league for an 11th year.  And if he were a 3rd Round pick instead of the #3 pick, you might actually say he had a semi-decent career.  But the only reason I'm throwing him in here is just to mock him.  I'm shallow that way.

 

Shaun Smith (U) - Everyone's favorite guy.  Led the league in nut-grabbing.  And not all that good either.  I put him on here for the same reason as L'il Money.

 

Barry Cofield (5) - Let's hope he's Unrestricted, because Cofield would be a good get.  Younger (27), comes from a 4-3, and very productive (54 tackles, 4 sacks, 4 passes knocked down, 1 forced fumble in 2010).  Will probably command beaucoup bucks, but someone's gotta pay it, right?  Why not Randy?

 

Brandon Mebane (4) - Only had 31 tackles and 1 sack last year in Seattle, but has averaged 37 tackles and 2.5 sacks a year over 4 seasons, so he's pretty consistent.  Plus, something makes me think the Head Guy With The Moustache knows his game.  Seattle won't let him go easy, so it might take some trickeration to get him if he is indeed Restricted (likely), but his tender is a 3rd Rounder - I don't see that stopping the Browns (or a bunch of other teams).

 

Derrick Robinson (4) - He's listed as a DE, but that's only in 3-4.  I like this guy; I think he shows a lot of potential.  He has good penetration skills, and that might come in handy for a 4-3 DT.  If I were Tom Heckert, I wouldn't let him get away too easily.

 

Eric Foster (R) - Well, yeah, he's got that sexual assault charge against him, and that could result in some league action (if the league is ever allowed to take action again).  But he's young and was fairly productive for the Colts (although not a starter): 3.5 sacks, 2 fumbles recovered, 33 tackles last year.  Still, he's Restricted no matter what (3 years), so the Browns would have to come up with a package good enough to sign him away.

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Regarding Jim Tressel

 

I meant to address this in the last article, but there was just so much Browns news to discuss I couldn't possibly fit it in (or I forgot, you decide).

 

OK, so if I have this straight, some players were selling their shit for free tats, and some guy got wind of it and e-mailed Tressel about it, and he said "Thanks, I'll deal with it right away.  Go Bucks!" (which is probably what he sets as his out-of-office message), then did nothing about it (except for maybe let some "mentor" of Pryor's know) until it blew up in his face, at which point he lied and covered it up and allowed Gene Smith and Gordon Gee to further lie and cover it up, and they all conspired that if they offered up a token suspension (and then maybe trumped that suspension a couple weeks later when it sounded like the first one wasn't gonna be good enough) and said enough times how much they learned from their mistakes, maybe the NCAA wouldn't Warren Beatty them.

 

That about the gist?

 

Like many of you, I am very disappointed in Jim Tressel.  Just not for the same reason.

 

All the major college football programs cheat.  All the major college football programs lie.  It's like baseball in the 90's - you can either do what you have to in order to keep up with the competition, or you get left behind.  If you don't sweep that kid's test scores under the table, someone else will.  If you don't pay that kid on the sly, someone else will.  If you don't get that kid laid at his recruitment ball, someone else will.

 

Just don't get caught. 

 

The reason I'm disappointed with Jimmy T is that he was sloppy and he got busted.

 

I am not saying you HAVE to cheat.  If you think you can do things "the right way" and still win the recruiting wars and what not, bully for you.  But if the price for Player X and a National Championship is greasing the dirty palm of Daddy Dearest, I don't blame you if you do it and pray that you don't get nabbed.

 

Because, instead of asking how many of the National Championship teams of the last 30 years were dirty (at least on some level), ask how many weren't.

 

Besides, what's the worst they can do to you?  Vacate your National Championship?  What a load of shit.  Everyone knows your team won it that year.  Just because they took back some shiny bit of metal doesn't mean that everyone in the universe doesn't know that you kicked everyone's ass that year.

 

If Auburn eventually gets outed and neutered by the NCAA for Cam Newton, does that somehow make Oregon the National Champion?  Only if you're freakin' delusional.

 

Major College Football is a dirty business.  When in a Gangland war, you don't wait around for a warrant.  All's fair in love, war, and NCAA rule violations.

 

Just don't get caught.

 

Thus, you won't catch me getting all high and mighty here.  They're all cheaters as far as I'm concerned - some are just more arrogant and blatant about it than others. 

 

Yes, I'd prefer it if Tressel were the choirboy that he portrayed, a man of such epochal fortitude that he could maintain a squeaky-clean perennial Top 10 program while the rest of the NCAA landscape sunk in a swamp of moral turpitude (like Miss Honeywell).  But that's just naïveté.  There are many reasons that the Powerhouse Schools remain on top, and not all of them are nicey-nice.  So, yeah, I get it if you have to sometimes get your hands a little dirty.

 

Just don't get caught.  Get it?  Got it?  Good.

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Thing I Like Aaron Goldhammer More Than

 

The POS Wedding

 

I found out today that POS - formerly known as Ben Roethlisberger - has decided to get married.  When I told my girlfriend about the coming nuptials, she asked me "Who the hell would want to marry him?"

 

"There're so many reasons," I replied.  "He's good looking, intelligent, has a great history with women..."

 

In all honesty, it's not hard to find the reasons that this girl fell for The (Alleged) Rapist, and they're all in the bank.

 

Hey, if some gold digger wants to subject herself to a lifetime of lipstick-stained collars and the Clap, then more power to her, I say.  Just make sure POS don't make you sign a Pre-Nup.

 

But then I found out that he's getting married on the exact same day as I am.  Great.  Now half my guests are gonna be at the bar watching the POS Wedding on Pay Per View.  POS himself will pull up in a monster truck that breathes fire, the tail of his tuxedo t-shirt hanging almost to the dirt floor of the fairgrounds grandstand.  He'll walk up to his bodyguards/groomsmen and wink at Rev. Harry McPerv, then wait breathlessly as Mrs. POS makes her way down the aisle, escorted by one of the guys who might be her father and wearing a white teddy wedding "dress" that shows off that classy Petunia Pig tat she got on her inner thigh.  The ceremony itself will be touchingly beautiful, all the way through to the part where POS belches "I Do."  Then the crowd will hoot and holler and the moonshine will flow like urine out the back of a broken port-o-pot. 

 

Damn, now even I would rather be there.  I shoulda thought ahead and rented the Gravitron.

 

Even during the offseason, POS is still making me miserable.