Written by Chris Hutchison

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It must be December if a sinking Browns team is mailing it in.

There was the December a couple years ago where they rallied and won 4 in a row.  Too bad they lost almost all their games before then that season.

One could claim that Eric Mangini managed to get a horrible team to play hard in meaningless games, but then they'd have to ignore last season's Holiday Swoon.

It afflicts every Browns Coach, every Browns team.  The Culture of Losing is too strong here.

I'd rant and rave if I could about how much they suck, but I'm way past that now.  This season is already over in my mind.  I have resigned myself to a another horrible record and another year of Pat Shurmur.  The season, the years, just blend together into such a Cacophony of Suck that I'm numb to it anymore.  I watch the games with mild interest, but more accurately because I have to.

From start to end, Cleveland seemed to have no intention of stopping the run.  The 1st half was all about Baltimore driving with sickening ease and either scoring or missing a FG.  The Browns only held them once - the 4th Down stop on the first drive.  After that, the front 7 (especially on the right side) was a Ray Rice turnstile.

The Browns, on the other hand, could get nothing going.  Colt McCoy regressed; he could've thrown about 8 picks in this game (including 3 in a row at the end of the 1st Half which concluded with the third one actually being picked).  They were jumping his routes because they didn't fear him throwing the ball over the top.  Peyton Hillis ran well for a while, but the Ravens did what all teams do when it becomes apparent that McCoy has entered Dink and Dunk mode and stacked the line, and it was ugly from there.

With the Browns down 10-0 in the 3rd Quarter, Jabaal Sheard made a great play trailing a scrambling Joe Flacco and forced a fumble, recovered by Cleveland at the 50.  A broken play (the 52 yard pass to Hillis down to the 5 where he was unguarded) led to the only tangible excitement on the day, but the offensive futility of bad passes, drops, and ineffective inside running continued unabated and Cleveland had to settle for a FG.

It took the now-annoyed Ravens about 2 plays to score a TD to push the score to 17-3.  Game over.

After Baltimore returned a punt for a TD and a 24-3 lead, they let up on our poor team and allowed what I have to think was the most miserable, depressing TD drive I've ever seen.  The Ravens were in total prevent, hardly even caring.  The stadium was 95% empty.  Colt threw little passes here and there, slowly driving down the field (but still requiring a 4th and 10 completion and had a dropped Pick 6) to the uninspiring conclusion.

The Ravens got the weak onsides kick attempt, and then basically knelt out the last 4:18 of the game.

It's OK, though.  You know what they say:  4-8 is the new 5-7.

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Stats

Time of Possession:  BAL - 37:34, CLE - 22:26

Total Yards:  BAL - 448, CLE - 233

Yards Passing:  CLE - 174, BAL - 158

Yards Rushing:  BAL - 290, CLE - 59

First Downs:  BAL - 24, CLE - 13

Turnovers Forced:  CIN - 1, CLE - 1

Sacks:  BAL - 1, CLE - 1

Final Score:  Disease-Infested Rathole 24, Cleveland 10

The score itself doesn't speak to it, but these stats belie just how big an ass-whooping this was.  290 yards rushing allowed.  290!  Shows you just how false that Top Rated Pass Defense is.  No need to pass when you can run at will.

Ray Rice is a good back, but 204 yards?  There was a little while there when I thought he might be breaking Jamal Lewis' single-game record, established by the same teams in the same building only a few years ago.

There's really not much else to say - you saw it.  It was just as bad as we feared it would be.  And I don't see how it gets any better.  At this point, I would hope for a quick and merciful end to this season, but like Theron tells the Queen in 300 before mounting her:  "This will not be over quickly. You will not enjoy this."

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Game Balls

Jabaal Sheard - Made multiple good plays, 9 tackles (6 solo), a sack, and a forced fumble.  Penetrated the backfield fairly consistently, seemed to be the only Defensive player that really gave a shit.  Get another one like him on the other side and you might have something. 

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Honorable Mention

Peyton Hillis - For a little while looked like the Hillis of old, and made a great play leaking into the secondary on the long 3rd Quarter pass.

D'Qwell Jackson - 12 tackles (8 solo), once again showing that he's the only LB worth an ounce of snot on the team.  Please, Mr. Heckert, this team is desperate for some more quality Linebacking.  Someone to guard Tight Ends.  Someone to shoot the running lanes.  Someone to make some GD plays.

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Wall of Shame

Sheldon Brown - The Wall of Shame just wouldn't be itself without the Sheldon Brown ornament hanging from it.  He gets this week for dropping an easy INT on the Ravens first drive which might have changed the entire complexion of the game.

Run Defense - I didn't think Scott Fujita was doing much of anything, but they're clearly even worse - much worse - without him.  And they weren't good before.  Baltimore exploited the right side badly, running right at Jayme Mitchell with great achievement.  I'm not sure why the Ravens even bothered to pass.

Special Teams - After Josh Cribbs whiffed, the rest of the punt coverage team showed little resistance as Lardarius Webb shredded them like pork for a TD.

Greg Little - A couple more drops.  It's clearly in his head now, like a long snapper unable to get the ball from his hands to the holder.  This won't get any better for the rest of the year and could really affect the kid.  One more game of the dropsies and I'd seriously think about getting him a phantom injury so he can shut it down and go see a shrink.

Drops - Colt McCoy isn't very good and needs everything to go his way to be successful, and the numerous drops game-in and game-out do nothing to help him.

Colt McCoy - A step back.  Held the ball too long, checked down constantly, made some awful decisions.  Colt embodies how his team plays when facing quality competition - overwhelmed.

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Regarding DVR

When the Ravens went up 17-3, that's where the game ended for me.  There was no way in Pittsburgh that the McCoy-led Browns were going to make up that deficit, and with their inability to stop the run it was likely to get hideous.  Besides, I had some stuff I needed to get done for work, and I decided to get a jump on it.

Let's examine that - I chose to work.  On a Sunday.  Off the clock, not getting paid.  Rather than watch the Browns play.

Now, yes, I did eventually watch the rest of the game.  I DVR'd it, so I watched it later.  DVR is really the best way to watch Cleveland Browns football.  You can put it in fast forward mode so you don't have to hear the announcers (Bill Macatee and Steve Tasker apparently have to work off their community service by being stuck on Cleveland games all season) or the boos.  The plays happen at double time, so it almost looks like the Browns have good team speed.  You get to skip through commercials and kickoffs (which are now useless plays).

And since you already know the result, there's so much less frustration when the terrible things you know happened actually take place.

For instance, I was watching other games for most of the 1st Half, but decided to go back and catch up on the 2nd Quarter of the Browns game at Halftime of the other games.  I knew the score went to Half at 10-0.  But as Billy Cundiff missed his second FG with a minute left, I wondered how that 7-0 score got to 10.

"Something bad must happen here," I reasoned.

Watching the next 3 Colt passes was like watching Final Destination.  You know the dude's gonna die, you just don't know how yet.

"Oh, here's where he throws the pick... oh!  Damn, that was close.  It must come here... whoa!  That should've been picked too.  How many lives does he get?"

"Doh!  I guess not enough!"

Course, most of you probably knew that pick was coming even watching it live.

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Regarding QB Prospects

I'm done pretending to be objective and fair regarding Colt's future with the team.  To me, he's simply not good enough to win a championship with.

If you get him better Receivers, a better running game, better protection, he'll be a better QB.  Effective, maybe even good enough to lead the team to the Playoffs.  But he'll never be good enough to win a Lombardi.  And that's the reason teams play the games.

I'm somewhat less enamored with Landry Jones of Oklahoma than some of the scouts, but there are 3 QB's in this draft (probably) which I feel could be of championship quality:

1. Andrew Luck - He won't be available to the Browns (might as well slap a horseshoe on his head right now), but he's a helluva prospect.  Good arm, good mobility, good accuracy, runs a pro-style offense... what's not to like?

2. Robert Griffin III - Maybe the most enticing prospect, which is saying something with Luck sitting there.  He's fast as hell, so he can run the ball, but he's clearly a throw-first QB.  He has a great arm and throws a beautiful deep ball; good accuracy.  He graduated in 3 years with a degree in political science and might enroll in law school, so you know he's smart.  His only drawbacks are that he's only 6'2 (not a big deal to me) and he might go back to school next year (a much bigger deal).

As his stock rises, it will be harder and harder for the Browns to be bad enough to be in position to get him.  Fortunately, the schedule makers gave Cleveland that Ravens/Steelers Trail of Tears to end the season.  4-12 might be bad enough to net RG3.

3. Matt Barkley - I wasn't sold on this guy coming into the season, but I've watched him enough to be impressed.  His deep ball has really improved, his accuracy as well.  He's not as mobile as either Luck or Griffin, and his arm isn't as good, but he should be plenty good enough to be successful in the NFL, even though he too is only 6'2.

Part of me wants to say that I trust in Tom Heckert and Mike Holmgren and if they choose to eschew, say, RG3, for a playmaker at any of the other multiple positions where the Browns need help, I'll be fine with that decision and hope that Colt can grow into a quality QB.  But that would be me lying to myself - a rationalization.

If, say, RG3 is there and they pass on him, I will be furious.

You don't win a championship in the NFL without an elite QB.  If you don't have an elite QB, you need one.  As long as you don't have one, you aren't going anywhere.  Simple freakin' equation.

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Regarding Draft Positioning

As of today, only 4 teams in the NFL have a worse record than the Browns:  The Colts (0-12), the Rams (2-10), the Vikings (2-10), and the Jaguars (3-9).  It is unlikely that Cleveland "catches" any of those 4, even if they lose out (which IS likely).

However, they could still draft anywhere from 5 to 10 depending on the draft tiebreakers because of the plethora of 4-8 teams.

The Colts will take Andrew Luck.  I think that is fairly certain at this point.  But I don't see either the Rams or Vikings taking RG3 or Barkley; they already have recent high draft picks in place at the QB position.  One will take Justin Blackmon (Oklahoma State, WR).  The other will take Matt Kalil (USC, LT).

Jacksonville - Now, these guys scare me a bit.  Yeah, I know that they just moved up in the 1st Round to draft Blaine Gabbert, but have you seen that guy play?  Carolina drafted Jimmy Clausen high in the 2nd Round in 2010 only to turn and draft Cam Newton #1 overall in 2011.  True that it is less likely since the 2nd Round isn't #10 overall and the JAX GM just got an extension, but it's not impossible that the Jags and their new Owner and new Coach wipe the slate clean and cut bait with Gabbert.

But I still see both QB's being available at #5 (disallowing for trades).

The 5 teams tied with Cleveland at the dubious 4-8 mark are Miami, Philly, Washington, Carolina, and Tampa Bay.  You have to figure most of those 5 will win at least one more game, probably more than one, so the Browns chances of being closer to 5 than 10 are high.  But if they don't win (or they try to trade up ahead of Cleveland), here are the teams that are a danger to snag the QB's:

Miami - This is a good team that is just a QB away from great.  For a while, I thought they were losing on purpose to get at Luck, but their 4 wins in the last 5 games have showed that to be false, rather that they were being held back by Chad Henne.  Matt Moore is playing well, but there's no way the Dolphins view him as a long-term solution, so look for Miami to grab a QB at their earliest convenience.

Washington - Is it a washed up McNabb or a never-had-it Rex Grossman?  Or maybe a never-will John Beck?  The Redskins have more problems than QB, but that one has been the most glaring the last 2 years.

So... just so you know... you are now officially big fans of the Dolphins, Jaguars, and Redskins.

And whomever is playing Atlanta.

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Regarding Paddy O'Shurmur

Like most, I was willing to give Pat Shurmur his shot when he was hired this past offseason.  Sure, he had no previous Head Coaching experience and, sure, he wasn't really all that successful as a Coordinator and, sure, it was hardly like he was a hot commodity, but he knew Heckert and Holmgren well and he was well-versed in the Offense that Holmgren wanted to run.  First time Head Coaches are a bit of a crapshoot anyway; it's hard to predict which will fail.

Now, 12 games in, he almost seems indefensible.  I have very little hope for him to develop into anything.  I know that it's crazy to make a snap judgment on a guy this early into his career, but I just don't see what qualities he has that can be built upon to produce a winning NFL Head Coach.

He just seems so lost.  Standing there, looking confused, whether it's his press conferences or game day.  If you think his in-game decisions are hard to comprehend, try figuring out his reasoning afterwards.

And his play calling.  Yeesh.  It's obvious that it's predictable.  For a couple games, he got creative.  But like a fat kid halfway up a big hill, he got a second wind long enough to run 5 feet before collapsing in exhaustion.

This probably isn't fair, but I have to declare him the Worst Browns Coach Since The Return.  And that is actually HARD to do, since he wasn't preceded by one guy worth a hunk of mucus.  Any time I see his face, any time I hear him talk, it hurts.  It hurts because I know I'm stuck with - professionally speaking -  this dolt, this bumpkin, this knob.

Is there any hope that Holmgren realizes that this guy is in way over his head, admits his error, and corrects it?  Not impossible, but very unlikely.

What is more likely is that Holmgren forces a play-calling Offensive Coordinator on Shurmur next season, thus removing his every-down duties and adding (let's hope) some much needed creativity.  This is our best chance to save this situation, since I do believe that Dick Jauron can head a competent Defense (didn't look like it this week, but they have been a bright spot), and by adding a competent Offensive mind Shurmur can "Dilfer" his way to success.

PS - But don't ignore what I said earlier, Mr. Holmgren.  Firing Shurmur doesn't mean a reboot or overhaul - just find another guy that will run the system you want.  A better one, this time.

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Regarding Whatever

***I too feel bad about the abrupt end to Ryan Pontbriand's career this week.  But what else are you supposed to do with a Long Snapper with the yips?  He can't do his job, and no one has the roster room to carry a backup Snapper.  9 years in Cleveland, and only one of them good.  He did his time.  Good luck in the future, Ryan.

***Unlike many of the talking heads, I am unperturbed by Josh Cribbs' tailgating visit 3 hours before the game.  Lots of guys have proclaimed that he needed to be in the locker room "getting his head right", but to me that's nitpicking because just bitching about the Browns as a team has gotten old.

And this is coming from someone that could give a rat's ass about Cribbs, not a fanboy.

If he was downing Bloody Mary's or Mimosas, then that might be a problem.  But just stopping in to say "Hey" and maybe pose for a couple snapshots... big freakin' deal.

***Shurmur walks out of his press conference because media members rolled their eyes at him.  This is a tough job, Paddy.  You sure you want to go through all this stress?  I bet you could find another job lickety-split if you just stepped down.

***Well, the BCS Championship Game is a rematch of a 9-6 thriller that didn't even interest me enough to watch the first time.

The BCS is set up to get the supposed 2 best teams into the supposed "Title" game, and 'Bama and LSU are probably that.  We don't know, of course... there are other deserving teams like Oklahoma State that should get a shot too, but the BCS isn't set up to settle matters on the field.  Nope, in college football, things are settled in the newspapers and on computers.

I'll not be the 9 millionth customer to beg for a Playoff system - everyone outside of the BCS wants that.  People that don't even watch football want that.  People from Bangladesh want that.  Even squirrels want that.

But since we ain't gettin' it, let's look at what these Bowl games - including the Championship Game - for what they truly are:  Exhibition games for draft eligible players to improve their stock.  There should be plenty of good NFL players coming from that Alabama-LSU rematch.

Otherwise, it's meaningless to me.

***Can't wait for someone to try and justify to me how Michigan gets in a BCS game and Michigan State doesn't.

***I've reached that point in life where I fervently wish that Jon Gruden would just STFU.

***Saw Black Swan last week.  I guess I'd avoided watching it for so long since a movie about the trials and tribulations of a ballerina didn't grab me by the balls and make me whistle "O Holy Night".  But I finally said "What the shazbang" and picked it up.

Really good.  Very entertaining.  I even enjoyed the ballet aspects of it.

And there's something about watching a girl's descent into batshit crazy that I identify with.

***We Suck, But Not As Much As Tim Tebow (my fantasy team) did indeed make a miraculous turnaround from 1-7 to make the playoffs after 5 straight wins.  Clearly, like Denver's wins, this is all due to Tebow.  True, he's not even on my team, but his name is there, so my victories must all be thanks to Timmy and the fact that he's such a "winner".

Like his brother before him, he is able to raise the dead.

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Next Up

Pittsburgh Steelers (9-3).

Great.  Late season, the Browns dead in the water, national TV, Pittsburgh Steelers.

God, it's gonna be heinous.

The only thing we can take comfort in with this game is that large portions of the national audience that would normally watch this Thursday Night special won't be able to because they have cable and can't get the NFL Network.

Do we even need to think about this match-up?  Colt McCoy will get knocked around like a big orange piñata, Hillis will do nothing, the Defense will stop the Steelers maybe twice all game, and the contest will be over before The Office (9 - 9:30 pm EST).  Which is what I'll probably be watching by that time.

Steelers 38, Browns 6.