Written by Jonathan Knight

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I, for one, have never seen a UFO, but last weekend we got a little taste of what that must be like.

What you’re looking at is so sleek, so extraordinary, so advanced beyond everything you’ve ever known that you really can’t begin to comprehend it. Whatever it is, wherever it’s from, it’s designed by a civilization dramatically more advanced than yours and is capable of things you literally can’t even imagine.

You are unable to comprehend your species creating something so impressive, but at the same time are inspired by the realization that there is something far greater out there and that the universe is much bigger than these suddenly tiny little parameters you’ve placed around it.

This is what it’s like for a Browns fan to watch the NFL playoffs.

Mike Polk was right when he stood outside yelling at Cleveland Browns Stadium last November: it’s like these teams are not even playing the same sport as the Browns.

They move the ball. They score. They force turnovers. They come up with big plays on defense.

They’re...drumroll and blare of trumpets...fun to watch.

Countless times over this wonderful weekend of football - arguably the best of the entire year - we got to witness excitement, careful preparation, sound execution, and cunning strategy all play out over the course of four dazzling football games.

And in each of them, there were moments that had me asking the ultimately painful question: “I wonder what would the Browns do in this situation?” 

Let’s ignore the logistics of reality and pretend our beloved team was just plopped smack-dab in the middle of one of last weekend’s playoff games. Never mind how they got here, they’re just here. What happens next?

These moments are like those little bracelets (not the Lance Armstrong ones) with “WWJD?” emblazoned across them. The idea, as Tim Tebow could no doubt tell you, is that when the wearer reaches a moral crossroad, he looks down to his bracelet, asks himself, “What Would Jesus Do?” and then proceeds accordingly, whether it be helping an old lady across the street or invading Iraq. 

Last weekend provided a handful of “WWBD” moments that still have us asking, “What Would the Browns Do?”

Let’s start with Saturday’s Saints-49ers game, perhaps the most exciting playoff chess match we’ve seen in years, which contained a handful of these moments.

The Situation: 49ers down 24-23, facing third-and-eight at the New Orleans 28 with two minutes to play.

What the 49ers did: Called for a deliciously simple quarterback bootleg that Alex Smith turned into a touchdown to give them the lead.

WWBD?: The bread-and-butter of the West Coast Offense: a four-yard quick-out to Mohammed Massaquoi. Naturally, Massaquoi would cut the route short and the pass would be underthrown, resulting in a two-yard gain. On the ensuing field-goal attempt, Ryan Pontbriand would snap the ball into San Francisco Bay. The end.

The Situation: Saints down 29-24 at their own 34 with 1:48 to play.

What the Saints did: Drew Brees fired a long pass down the middle for athletic tight end Jimmy Graham, who made a great catch, fought through two defenders, and rumbled for a stunning touchdown.

WWBD?: Pat Shurmur would have Colt McCoy take a knee and then send out Phil Dawson for an 84-yard field goal.

The Situation: 49ers down 32-29 at their own 33 with 40 seconds to play.

What the 49ers did: Alex Smith fired two precision passes to Vernon Davis, one a beautiful touch pass for 47 yards, the other a bullet from 14 yards for the game-winning touchdown with 14 seconds left.

WWBD?: McCoy would get blasted with a shot to the head from two different defenders, resulting in a pair of personal-foul penalties and a 30-yard gain. The Browns would then decide to run one more play before attempting the game-tying field goal. The temperature would instantly drop 75 degrees and Brian Sipe would be intercepted by Mike Davis in the end zone.

While Saints-49ers was the highlight of the weekend, it wasn’t our only opportunity for reflection.

The Situation: Live-action Veggie Tales character Tim Tebow and the upstart Broncos face the heavily favored New England Patriots on their own home field with nobody in the world outside of John Elway’s car dealership giving them a chance to win. The odds grew even longer after Bill Belichick just brought in Denver’s former head coach as a “consultant” the week before the game.

What the Broncos did: Watched Tebow play like the below-average quarterback he actually is, allowed Tom Brady to set an NFL record with six scoring passes in a single postseason game, and were eviscerated by five touchdowns in primetime.

WWBD?: Well...basically that. No hypothetical gymnastics required on that one. The Browns would get crushed, only without all the genuflections and Bible verses. Plus, Belichick would lure Eric Mangini to Foxboro, then waterboard him. Not to learn anything about the Browns, but just for fun.

The Situation: The Ravens defense, clinging to a seven-point lead, is back on its heels as surprisingly durable Houston mounts one last viable drive with two minutes remaining. 

What the Ravens did: Texans quarterback T.J. Yates throws a risky pass that is picked off by interception-magnet Ed Reed at the Baltimore 4 to clinch a Ravens victory defined by tide-turning turnovers.

WWBD?: Okay, guys, listen up, this is a big play here....wait, what? You can’t snap the ball while we’re still in the huddle! No fair!

The Situation: The heavy-underdog New York Giants, all but forgotten in the NFC playoffs, march into revered Lambeau Field to face the defending Super Bowl-champion Green Bay Packers, who’d just wrapped up a 15-1 season and had already made hotel reservations in Indianapolis.

What the Giants did: Completely outplayed the Packers in every phase as often-maligned Eli Manning out-gunned Aaron “Discount Double-Check” Rodgers.

WWBD?: Get snarled in foul-weather traffic on the way to Lambeau, arrive late, screw up pre-game schedule, play like garbage, blame loss on traffic. (Whether or not you find this punch line particularly funny, longtime Browns fans will recall this actually happened to the Browns in the 1965 NFL Championship.)

Which leads us to the most telling WWBD moment.

The Situation: The front offices of the NFL’s remaining eight teams prepare for the spectacle of playoff football.

What the eight teams did: Coordinate schedules, public relations staffs, and stadium personnel as they carefully and very professionally made each franchise and the league itself look like a well-oiled machine that it is. 

WWBD?: Mike Holmgren would deny all access to the playoff game to everyone, including the media, the fans, himself, and the Browns players. So don’t even think about asking for tickets.

Bottom line, this was a great weekend of football that Browns fans could enjoy, even if it illustrates how far from the pack our team has strayed.

But maybe there’s another way to look at it. Last year, the San Francisco 49ers were 6-10 in the weakest division in the NFL. Now they’re 13-3 and going to play for a trip to the Super Bowl on their own home field.

Maybe that’ll be the Browns a year from now.

But it’s more likely that I’ll see a UFO.

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