Written by Andrew Clayman

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Compared to the bloodthirsty throngs in Philly or Boston, the sports fans of Cleveland are a relatively forgiving lot. Failure alone will rarely turn us against one of our own. Combine that failure with a perceived attitude of arrogance, ignorance, or simple indifference, however, and a local ballplayer can quickly find himself the target of 50 years worth of bottled-up rage.

You’ll know the names of these particular Browns, Cavs, and Indians, because you’ve spent ample chunks of the past decade shouting at them through your TV set, cursing their existence, and insulting their mothers on internet message boards. They were the loudmouths, head-cases, and screw-ups that never failed to disappoint. They are the 21 Most Infuriating Cleveland Athletes of the 21st Century.

The Rules of Infuriation
One of the key things to know about this list of supremely maddening players is that it doesn’t actually include some of the great villains you might associate with this city’s recent sports past—specifically, the ones that became reviled only after leaving town. Instead, this study of aggravation is centered on those players who managed to crawl under our skin and provoke our disdain while still wearing the local colors—no easy task in a sports town as desperately loyal as this one.

So, whether they were all-stars or role players, idiots or assholes, or just nice, well-meaning fellows we couldn’t help but despise… let us start the healing process now and give them their proper due.

Cleveland Sports' Most Infuriating Players: 2000-2012

Honorable Mention
First up, how about a nod of recognition to the unpopular players not even hated with enough passion to make this list—guys like Gerard “Big Waste of Money” Warren, Drew “Neck Soul Patch” Gooden, Casey “Irritatingly Average” Blake, and the much maligned Quincy “Dropsies” Morgan, who has been kindly bumped off the Top 21 by the new king of the All-Hands team…

#21 – Greg Little
Wide Receiver, Browns, 2011-Present
In just his second season, the once vaunted UNC suspendee has made quite the impact on Browns fans—inspiring more Tourette’s caliber cursing fits than a Brian Daboll third-down play call. Though noted for his intimidating size and strength, it’s those buttery fingers that set Little apart—as he finished second in the NFL in dropped passes last season and is well on his way to pacing the league in 2012. On those rare occasions in which the football does stick in his mitts, Greg eagerly shows off his interpretative dance skills by mimicking the poses of far more famous and accomplished athletes.

#20 – David Dellucci
Left Field, Indians, 2007-2009
For five years, Indians fans have wondered how their team blew a 3-1 series lead in the 2007 ALCS. What we really should be asking is how a team with a starting left field platoon of Jason Michaels and David Dellucci ever got that far in the first place. As arguably the posterboy for the “Shaprio Sucks” side of the fence, a clearly past-his-prime, 33 year-old Dellucci was inked to a head-scratching 3-year, $12 million deal in December of 2006. He was supposed to be the long sought solution to the Tribe’s left field woes. What he became was utterly woeful in his own right. Across two and a half seasons in Cleveland, Dellucci (whose 29 HR season for Philly in 2005 sticks out like a Brady Anderson caliber fluke) managed to hit just .238 with 15 homers in 183 games. The combination of his uselessness at the plate and stable role on the payroll quickly made a whipping boy of poor Davey. We spoke ill of him to anyone who would listen, and sometimes—even now, three years after his release—we still do.

#19 – Darius Miles
Forward, Cavaliers, 2002-2004
Once known as “Frequent Flyer” Miles when selected out of high school by the Clippers in 2000, Darius was forced into a crash landing upon arriving in Cleveland in the ill-fated deal that sent Andre Miller to L.A. At a lanky 6-foot-9, Miles could certainly leap, but he also proved surprisingly uncoordinated, injury prone, weak on the boards, clueless at the stripe, and perpetually out of sync with everyone around him—all while displaying an inexplicable and increasingly obnoxious swagger (which included an OCD sort of celebration gesture in which he’d double fist-bump his own head). Darius averaged 9 PPG in two injury-shortened seasons in Cleveland, then scuffled along to Portland before falling out of the league at 27.

#18 – Matt LaPorta
1B/LF, Indians, 2009-Present
It’s not really fair to identify him as the central reason for the epic failure of the Indians’ rebuild, but we enjoy doing so anyway. Of course expectations were unreasonably high for the centerpiece of the CC Sabathia trade, but LaPorta’s flameout at the Big League level might have been met with more sympathy if he didn’t seem so frustratingly unadaptable. Across four seasons, his long swing and longer face have stubbornly held their old familiar shape, as Tribe fans wonder why we kept asking for the guy’s promotion all year.

#17 – Jhonny Peralta
SS/3B, Indians, 2003-2010
With his familiar chubby cheeks and chinstrap beard, Jhonny Peralta antagonized Cleveland fans in large part by occasionally showcasing just how talented he could be when he set his mind to it. As a 23 year-old in 2005, he emerged as one of the game’s top young shortstops-- hitting .292 with 24 big flies and 78 RBIs—and he hit more than 100 homers during his 6+ seasons with the Indians. But there were times—loooong stretches of time—when the mild mannered Dominican would look astonishingly clueless at the dish, flailing blindly at any pitch that rotated. And while Casey Blake would at least get fiery at times, Peralta seemed perpetually bored with his profession—emotionless, slow afoot, ho-hum about the whole thing. For this reason above all others, he became an increasingly unlikable chap, inspiring subtle “ughs” every time he sauntered to the box. And while we’re on the topic, re-arrange those letters in your name already, Jhonny. We’re tired of informing Spell-check that, yes, we meant to type it that way.

#16 – Tim Couch
Quarterback, Browns, 1999-2003
Both statistically and aesthetically, one can easily argue that Tim Couch is still the best quarterback the expansion Browns have managed to produce. But as Cleveland fans adjusted to the weird new world of expansion football at the turn of the century, there was little appreciation for the efforts of a completely overmatched QB with virtually zero weapons at his disposal (though Kevin Johnson is still better than any pass catcher on the current club). Poor Timmy’s war with the fans finally came to a head when—after only hearing cheers when being taken off the field with a concussion—a tearful Couch lashed out in a post-game interview. You had to feel for him a bit. He really was trying his best. But by the time he tossed his next awkward, wounded-duck pick into triple coverage, your empathy was left right back at the door again. Really, we all owe Tim Couch a sincere and respectful apology. No one deserves that many curses placed on his house.

#15 – Damon Jones
Guard, Cavaliers, 2005-2008
When it comes to the category of inexplicable egomania, this former Cavalier guard sets the gold standard. Even Greg Little thinks he’s crap compared to the self-assessment of Damon Jones. A career journeyman, Jones had some nice moments during a three-year stint in Cleveland—including a game-winner in a 2006 playoff game against the Wizards. For the most part, though, he was a guy that barked a hell of a lot and rarely bit. Dubbing himself the “best shooter in the universe,” Damon actually knocked ‘em down at about 38% for the Cavs, usually coming off the bench to make one and a half three-pointers per game. In ’07, he vowed to put on a clinic at the All-Star 3-Point Shootout, but didn’t get out of the first round. Basically, he was a serviceable role player that fancied himself a super-star, and the act grew tired in a hurry.

#14 – Ubaldo Jimenez
Starting Pitcher, Indians, 2011-Present
In some ways, Ubaldo has been spared the full heel treatment thanks to the fans’ focus on the men who brought him to Cleveland—Mark Shapiro and Chris Antonetti. Nonetheless, Jimenez has been so erratic, so frustrating, so painfully unreliable, that his mere presence on the hill now elicits mild feelings of nausea. Like Matt LaPorta, he also represents a promise of what might have been—a true #1 starter for a contending team, now reduced to a graceless train wreck; firing 90 MPH fastballs into the dirt while the merry-go-round continues behind him.

#13 – Jose Jimenez
Relief Pitcher, Indians, 2004
Still, if it’s any consolation, Ubaldo has yet to trump the infuriating antics of another Jimenez—former Tribe closer Jose Jimenez. If you don’t remember Jose, it’s likely because your brain has filed away his existence into the repressed memories folder. Back in 2004, Jimenez—a once decent closer for Colorado—arrived in Cleveland as a free agent. By July 5, he was waived. But the damage had been done. Though Jose had slogged his way to 8 saves, he had also given up 37 runs in just 36 innings, with 4 blown saves and 7 losses. His 8.32 ERA and 1.62 WHIP were monuments to ineffectiveness, and he left town only after setting ablaze everything in his path. He was the Tribe’s Keyser Soze in Verbal Kint clothes.

#12 – William Green
Halfback, Browns, 2002-2005
Ten years before Trent Richardson, it was William Green that was the Browns’ first round savior at halfback. Unlike Trent, however, Willy came aboard with suitcased full of baggage, particularly of the behavioral variety. For fleeting moments, we convinced ourselves he had overcome those demons (he ran the expansion Browns straight into their lone postseason appearance in ’02), but eventually, Green’s red flags waved steadily from every corner of Browns Stadium. In 2003, he was arrested and suspended for smokin’ the whacky tobaccy, then stabbed with a kitchen knife by his fiancée. A year later, he baby-daddied a kid with a different woman (perhaps explaining the earlier stabbing incident), then earned another suspension for trying to punch out Joey Porter before a game had even started. Toss in a steady stream of pesky injuries, and Green became an embarrassing franchise’s biggest embarrassment.

#11 – Joe Borowski
Relief Pitcher, Indians, 2007-2008
In baseball, closers are consistently among the most infuriating fellows on the roster (there are four of them on this list alone), mainly because they are slaves to a system of bullpen usage that makes no practical sense. Whether he has the hot hand or not, the closer—once anointed—must pitch the 9th inning in its entirety it seems, regardless of how clear it is that an unmitigated disaster is imminent. After enduring several years of Bob Wickman’s soft tossing tightrope acts, one would think that Indians fans would adapt quickly to the arrival of Joe Borowski from Florida in 2007. But we never quite did, did we? Despite having what some might call a marvelous year on paper (45 saves for a playoff team!), Joe Blow was actually Cleveland’s leading cause of heart disease that summer. There were 8 blown saves, 5 additional losses, and an ERA well over 5.00. But more times than not, it was the converted saves—complete with a few hits and a walk or two sprinkled in—that made for the most aggravating experiences. By 2008, Borowski had lost whatever pixie dust he had left, as his 7.56 ERA in 18 games brought his career to a merciful close.

#10 – Derek Anderson
Quarterback, Browns, 2005-2009
The expansion Browns’ only Pro Bowl quarterback was never exactly the second coming of Bernie Kosar around these parts. Like Tim Couch, he proved unavoidably boo-able, including the unfortunate occasions in which he was laid out injured on the field, opening the doors for the latest savior to take his place (Brady Quinn probably should be on this list, too, but he just sneaks his way out of everything). D.A. was not what one would call the most discerning of pass throwers. He could launch the football a long way, but where it was headed was anyone’s guess. As a consequence, many fans took it upon themselves to question Anderson’s intellectual prowess. The words “big oaf” were thrown around, usually with an expletive spliced in. Eventually, when Anderson was finally cut by the Browns in 2010, he said that Cleveland fans were rotten and didn’t deserve to see winning football. At last, his play over the prior two seasons finally made sense.

#9 – Roberto "Fausto Carmona" Hernandez
Starting Pitcher, Indians, 2006-Present
Long before the fantastically ridiculous circumstances of his false identity came to light, the man we knew as Fausto Carmona had already become one of our most reliably infuriating sports figures. After a dominant 2007 season in which he won 19 games and manned up in a swarm of midges, our sinkerballing ace devolved into a nervous, sweating nightmare of inconsistency. After 7 years, his overall record with the Tribe stands at 53-69—a stunning disappointment from a “kid” we once thought could carry the rotation for the next decade. Now, thanks to his quantum leap in age, Hernandez is suddenly 32 and likely headed for free agency, meaning the Fausto saga may be nearing its end in Cleveland. Perhaps with his next team, Roberto will finally regain his old form, and better still, learn how to prevent the damn tag from sticking out the back of his jersey. Fix your effing tag, Fausto! Seriously, grab some nose hair clippers and cut that shit off!

#8 – Larry Hughes
Guard, Cavaliers, 2005-2008
Type “Larry Hughes” into Google, and the first result you get is the sadly defunct website http://heylarryhughespleasestoptakingsomanybadshots.com/. You might think that site was made just for laughs, but its plea was born from the hearts of every Cavaliers fan. Back in 2005, Lebron James needed his Scottie Pippen, and for lack of looking seemingly anywhere else for a better option, Larry Hughes was paid to fill the role. Over the next 3 years, he would suit up in 146 games for Cleveland, and never once did anyone make the mistake of calling him Pippenesque. After shooting 43% and averaging 22 points in his last season in Washington, Hughes sunk to 40% and 15 points in his injury-plagued first year with the Cavs. By 2007/08, those numbers had dropped to 38% and 12 PPG. Somehow, Larry never managed to find any chemistry with the world’s best team-oriented basketball player, and Cleveland suffered accordingly in some critical postseason battles. Hughes looked clueless, uninspired. And in turn, many of us informed him-- on a semi regular basis-- that we questioned his skills as a professional basketball player.

#7 – John Rocker
Relief Pitcher, Indians, 2001
Is an explanation even necessary? It’s John Rocker—he who lives to infuriate. In the summer of 2001, the playoff-bound Indians dealt two talented, amiable relievers (Steve Karsay and Steve Reed) to Atlanta for the bulging neck veins of the “opinionated” 26 year-old from Statesboro, Georgia. Rocker had shown flashes of brilliance as a closer, but far bigger flashes of ignorance whenever he opened his mouth. In Cleveland, it wound up being his diminishing returns on the hill that sealed his unpopularity-- even with the local Ted Nugent contingent. With his velocity dipping into the low 90s and his control more scattershot than ever, Rocker saved just 4 games in 38 appearances as an Indian, posting a 5.45 ERA and 1.67 WHIP. The Cleveland faithful quickly stopped cheering his entrance music (“Rock You Like a Hurricane”) and instead came to dread his psychotic, herky-jerky mannerisms and the whiplash he gave himself watching line drives fly over his head. I’m not sure we ever did get John’s thoughts on the Cleveland RTA system.

#6 – Kellen Winslow, Jr.
Tight End, Browns, 2004-2008
With a considerable reputation for assholiness already on his resume from college, K-2 was pitched to Browns fans as the sort of headstrong, supremely talented skill position player we’d lacked since ’99. Two games and five catches into his rookie season in 2004, however, the “f@#%ing soldier” snapped his leg in half on a loose ball play. Winslow’s recovery table still had him in the plans for the start of the ’05 season, until he decided to pop some wheelies on his bike in a Westlake parking lot, tearing his ACL in the process and missing another entire season. Arrogance and stupidity—a lethal combination. Even after finally delivering on a little of his promise in the 2007 season, Winslow found minimal sympathy from fans in ’08 when his second staph infection sent him railing against the Browns’ admittedly horrendous front office. He was traded away for chicken feed a year later.

#5 – Milton Bradley
Outfielder, Indians, 2001-2003
To his credit, Uncle Milty hardly limited his epic rage episodes to his time in Cleveland. In fact, compared to some of his subsequent outbursts and run-ins with the law, Bradley’s brief time with the Indians seems kind of quaint. Yes, he got pulled over for speeding in Cuyahoga Falls and sped off before the cops could ticket him. Yes, he suffered a myriad of strange injuries and argued every single third strike ever called on him (including the ones he swung at). And yes, he waged a psychological war with Eric Wedge that culminated in the Tribe skipper demanding the outfielder’s trade in the spring of 2004 (a year after Milton led the team with a .321 average). Infuriating, yes. But on the bright side, we once had an outfield with guys named Milton Bradley and Coco Crisp patrolling it.

#4 – Peyton Hillis
Running Back, Browns, 2010-2011
You might have to go back as far as Joe Charboneau to find the last Cleveland athlete whose shooting star rose and fell as quickly as Peyton Hillis. Like Super Joe, Peyton’s problems were partly injury related. But while Charboneau maintained his folklore even as his playtime plummeted, Hillis seemed to alienate the entire state of Ohio in a matter of a couple weeks. No single act was more regrettable than the Madden cover boy sitting out a game against Miami at the advising of his agent. Hillis claimed he was sick, but considering he was also in the midst of some unhappy contract negotiations with Mike Holmgren and Co., this explanation sent everyone’s bullshit meters off. Pretty soon, the man in line to perhaps become Cleveland’s next sports superstar was on a plane to Kansas City—permanently tagged as a selfish blockhead with big pecs and a tiny heart.

#3 – Ricky Davis
Guard, Cavaliers, 2001-2003
Back when John Lucas was leading the Cavs franchise through the desert of NBA irrelevance, Ricky Davis showcased how the best player on a team could also be its worst. Though he was a pretty gifted scorer (when he felt like it), Ricky was not what one would call a “team first” sort of player, nor particularly humble, nor particularly sharp. Hell, rather than paint with a broad brush, it’s far easier to express the fans’ disdain for Ricky Davis with the one play that probably has come to define him. On March 16, 2003, in the waning moments of one of the Cavs’ few victories that season, Ricky somehow managed to blow up the good feeling at the Gund with one of the most embarrassing moments in NBA history. One rebound shy of a triple-double against the Jazz, Davis purposely missed a lay-up at the opponent’s basket in order to grab a cheap board. With his own fans now booing him, Davis was then abruptly fouled hard by Utah’s Deshawn Stevenson in response to the insulting, idiotic play. And to pour salt in the wound, the rebound wasn’t even officially recognized. Ricky’s line that day: 28 points, 12 assists, 9 rebounds.

#2 – Braylon Edwards
Wide Receiver, Browns, 2005-2009
To the very end, Braylon Edwards was convinced that Browns fans never embraced him simply because of where he went to college (that being Michigan, of course). But Big Blue was merely a red herring. Braylon’s true downfall, and one that has rung true in his subsequent journeymen years through the NFL, is that he was never as good as he thought he was. Though we've come to think of a brash, trash-talking receiver as an modern NFL archetype, there are really 100 bums for every one Michael Irvin. Even the ultimate crybaby, Lebron James, called Braylon “childish” after the slippery-handed receiver took a swing at one of the King’s cronies in a Cleveland nightclub. To Lebron, Braylon looked like a jealous poser, and maybe for the last time, LBJ and the fans of Cleveland were on the same page on this one. Talkative showboaters who drop passes tend to aggravate this town even more than the useless sign posts we send out there at cornerback.

#1 – Chris Perez
Relief Pitcher, Indians, 2009-Present
If igniting a year-long shitstorm is the ultimate testament to a player’s infuriation skills, then no one but Pure Rage was ever really an option for the top spot on this list. In his defense, Chris Perez—- with a few glaring, disastrous exceptions—- has performed admirably in his role as the Indians’ closer. Who knows if he’ll be back next season, but in four years in Cleveland, he’s posted a 3.00 ERA and 99 saves—- hardly Jose Jimenez numbers. Chris is also not the first blowhard to roam through these lands. Half the guys on this list said their share of inflammatory things. What sets Perez apart is the era he represents—- the Twitter age: where a random, dickish comment finds the eyes of a million people in the click of a button. More so than any Cleveland athlete in recent memory, Perez directly challenged his own fan base. Before we could even begin to turn on him, he turned the tables on us-- calling out our league worst attendance, taking the Browns’ name in vain, and even blasting his own Twitter followers if they dared take him to task. Even after the Tribe fell off a cliff this summer, Perez stayed in the news-- first getting caught on video jawing with a fan in Oakland, then throwing Manny Acta under the bus after the skipper's dismissal. In a strange way, C.P. has knocked down the fourth wall. He has become so infuriating—- in such an unprecedented way—- that we actually find ourselves respecting him for it. Hating him, yes. Wanting him traded anyway anywhere, post haste, yes. But booing him? Someone with brass balls like that? No way. Cleveland gave their ultimate antagonizer a big standing ovation after his attendance comments first made the rounds, and while we're far less intrigued by his antics at this point, some of us might still miss him just a little bit if Antonetti sends him packing this winter. Like I said, we’re a relatively forgiving lot.