Written by Mike Piper

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Not surprisingly, we were flooded with emails this past couple of weeks from readers, asking why Lead Pipe wasn't running for President. The Lead Man isn't interested in the post, but in today's edition of Lead Pipe Locks, he lays out what his platform for the country would be. And also delivers our readers more point spread winners. And don't forget to tune into The Pipeline tonight, Lead's weekly internet radio show here on the site. Every 4^th November the Lead Man hears the same cry from Joe Q. Public; "Lead Man, we love you. Lead Man, you should be the President." And putting the 90% rule aside, there is no question that these people are on to something.

Why would you not want the Lead Man, a man who is rarely wrong, making the critical choices on national issues or foreign policy? Why wouldn't you want a man who would surely disregard political correctness and just simply do the right thing?

These same people, hungry for a born leader, also ask, "Lead Man if you were the President what is the first thing you would do to restore this once proud nation to it's proper exalted status"?

This is an excellent question.

Certainly most of you players and Lead Man fans know that he is a big proponent of a person having to actually work and contribute to society before reaping any of this great country's benefits. You wouldn't lie on the couch watching ‘The View' or ‘Dr. Phil' all day on the Lead Man's watch and expect food and healthcare to be provided. You have your hand out? Here, here's a damn rake, a shovel or a McDonald's cup to refill.

"What about education Lead?" Well players, LP has no problem with allowing a teacher to use the proper discipline needed to keep your miserable little youngster in line, with no repercussions for reasonable action. Sometimes little Johnny or Joanie need to learn some lessons they can't find in books in order to be  properly motivated to pick up those books.

Relatedly, there is one thing the Lead Man would do before all of this, players, and that would be to create legislation that would require a license for any American who wishes to become parents. Why? Because it is crystal clear to the Lead Man that the root of just about every major problem in society today stems from the fact that far too many Americans are ill-prepared to take on the responsibility of raising a child. And unless it's nipped in the bud, each generation will continue to get progressively worse. In a few decades, LP's 90% moron estimate is going to be way too low.

To wit:

The Scene: Halloween Night

The Setting: The Leadquarters

The Players: Lead Man, Lead Woman.

As you can imagine, the Lead Man's house is a popular one at Halloween.  Because, as you might have assumed, indeed the Lead Man is passing out the biggest and best treats on the block. (That, and all of the neighborhood MILFS wanting to chat up the Lead Man).

An hour or so into Halloween evening up walk two 13-14 year old girls wearing Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz costumes...Very skimpy Dorothy costumes...

More like ‘Dorothy Does the Wizard of Ah Aaah Aaahs' costumes.

Short skirts with thigh high stockings right out of the old Victoria's Secret catalog. Now, Lead knows what you're thinking players: These two chicks left the house in another more conservative costume and then slutted themselves up on their own once they were out of their parents sight. And that's exactly what the lead Man was thinking too until he saw the girls' MOM fix each chick's stockings before they made their way up the driveway.

Now, when those girls get knocked up at 16 by their 24 year old drop out, drug dealing boyfriend - prior to the beginning of their porn career, whose fault is that going to be? Will it be their fault? Will it be society's fault? How about television, the music industry or poor teachers?

Christ on a pony.

And by the way, to the four or five parents Lead witnessed talking on the cell phone while ignoring their kids walking up to stranger's' homes on this evening, consider yourselves morons as well. Is it too much to ask to stay off the phone for an hour while your kid enjoys a special day? For one day per year just field your extremely important phone calls after 8:00 pm, while you are ignoring the kids in the privacy of your own home. Jeez, you'll have 364 more days to blow them off before next Halloween too. Shake yourselves. Today you're ignoring them and the next thing you know you're adjusting your 14 year old daughter's fish nets and tube top and handing her a one-hitter and a condom as she heads to the junior high dance.

As your President the Lead Man would also know that throwing money at schools isn't going to improve educational achievement; parents that give a rat's ass will.

Commander in Chief Lead knows that crime rates will not drop by simply increasing the number of officers on police force; parents knowing where their 13 year old is at 2:00am in the damn morning will.

Lead understands that the economy and healthcare are being ruined by those that lack an education, employable skills and a job. But mostly because of parents that didn't distinguish the importance of any of these things nor the discipline required to achieve them.

The Lead Man is a winner because his parents showed him the way. The Lead Man is a huge football fan. He makes a fine ancillary income while watching and enjoying something he loves. But the lead Man watches and enjoys these games in addition to, not instead of, spending time with Little Lead. And he would miss a big game this weekend and other if it meant doing something important with his kid. 

Really players, it's just not that hard.

Anyway, daylight savings was a big deal here at the Leadquarters because it afforded LP's crack staff an additional hour to research the board. So here come the Lead Man's picks on this Indian Summer weekend. Or, as we like to refer to it at the Leadquarters, "Injun" summer:

Look for Colorado to deliver another case of the blues to a struggling Iowa State team at folsom field on Saturday. Quite frankly, Iowa State is playing about as poorly as you can play. Losers of 7 straight, while allowing 34 plus points in their last 6. They are also have allowed opponents passers to complete over 75% of their passes in the last 4 tilts. On top of all this, there offense has been stalled by multiple injuries on the offensive line. Certainly Colorado needs to get improved quarterback play and eliminate the big plays being allowed on defense, but they should be game enough to cover the number at home against a Cyclone team that is just plain bad right now. Place your wager on the buffalo, and win yourself some chips.

Colorado -9.5

Players, Browns fans, if you want to see how a professional football organization is run, take a look at the Pats. The leagues best player - OUT. Starting running back - OUT. Defensive leader and captain-OUT. And they plug cats in you've never heard of and continue to win. You might hate Boston, you might hate Belichick, but those guys know what the hell they are doing. Take advantage this week. The Bills limp into Gillette Stadium to face what will be a lathered up Patriot squad. QB Matt Cassel is improving each week, and his recent propensity of chucking it to Welker and Moss underneath should negate the Bill pass rush, which is the key to Buffalo's defense. The Pats have won the last 9 against the Bills including a 56-10 beat down last year. The Bills have numerous injuries to the offensive line and just cannot get anything going on the ground. If you are one dimensional against a team like the Pats, well, good luck to you. If the Pats can continue to improve in the red zone this one could really get out of hand. This is a chalk wager.

Patriots -3.5

Tune in tonight, at 10:30 as the Man of Lead and Brian McPeek bring you "The Pipeline." We'll discuss the past weekends action and preview this weekends, along with Lead's weekly internet bonus picks. Apparently an NFL game wasn't enough to keep Romeo Crennell awake last night, hopefully The Pipeline is good enough reason for you players.