Written by Michael Kramer

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Good Lord but that was a bad football game. I didn't think I would ever see a game as bad as the 2009 struggle between the Browns and the Bills, but damn if they didn't try to do it all over again this year. The end result is another Browns loss; as ugly a loss as they've had all year, and another season with no playoffs. Not that I expected to make the playoffs this year, but there's something a little sad about being mathematically eliminated. It's the same feeling I get during baseball season at the beginning of august when the Tribe is eliminated from contention, or on July 7th last summer when the Cavs were eliminated.

When you sit back and think about this loss, it's hard to get too down in the dumps about it. It's not like it really changes anything. The Browns were effectively eliminated from the playoffs after starting 1-5 anyway, so all things from there out pretty much were in anticipation of the future. And that future still is Colt McCoy.

Until Colt returns, there has been and will continue to be much hand wringing over the most recent Cleveland QB Controversy TM. In particular, how much better the Browns would be if they were playing their 3rd string QB as opposed to their backup QB (or vice versa if that's how you roll). I have to admit, after pimping Jake Delhomme all week to the onslaught of WallaceHeads who are convinced that Seneca Wallace makes the Browns on par with the Patriots, I have little to point to in defense of the Old Cajun. That was a really crappy performance. Paul Walker crappy. Indefensible. I can only submit for your approval the almost undeniable truth that if Jake Delhomme is the problem, surely Seneca Wallace is not the answer.

There are a lot of reasons the Browns lost that game, not the least of which is the apparent fact that Peyton Hillis butters his biceps before each game in a misguided attempt to intimidate opposing linebackers. Another reason may be Brian Daboll's reluctance to call a pass play of more than 3 yards, not matter what the down and distance is. Or maybe it's the WR's inability to get open on any route covering more than 3 yards. Or maybe Jake really is the problem because he either can't or won't throw the ball more than 5 yards due to being terrified of throwing interceptions (all recent evidence to the contrary).

Or maybe...just maybe... the Bills, with a QB who has a respectable rating of 85, 2 good receivers in Lee Evens and Steve Johnson, and have won 3 of their last five games, aren't as bad as their record. And maybe the Browns, who apparently have a QB controversy between old-ass Jake Delhomme and Seneca Freakin' Wallace have won 5 games so far this year by playing their asses off with inferior talent and a running who can knock 7 or 8 guys ass over tits, but not the entire defense. Not for a whole game anyway. And oh yeah, did I mention he butters his biceps? He should stop doing that.

What we need is a healthy Colt and another off-season to infuse talent where needed. Not that I don't care about winning, but nothing else matters nearly as much as those things. Not even losing a December game to the Buffalo Bills in a season where the best outcome is .500.

An Awkward Glance Ahead At The Browns

The worst part of that "somewhat less than tragic but still aggravating" loss to the Bills is the media putting Mangini right back on the "hot seat." I know it's not how he works, but I wouldn't mind if Homgren went on record by saying Mangini's job is safe. I think it would be a big mistake to change the direction of the organization at this point no matter what the Brown's final record turns out to be.

These players respect Mangini and play hard for him. I think they've played hard all season long, not excepting this last game. Don't confuse poor play with lack of effort. I have trouble thinking of a time this season that our Brown's were lacking in effort. Maybe I would change my tune if they lost out, but I doubt it.

Brian Daboll...meh. I can take or leave Daboll at this point. Some of these game plans have left me uninspired, but to be honest, it's hard to know exactly what he's calling by the play on the field. One of the most infuriating things for me is when time and time again the Browns run 3 yard pass plays on 3rd down and 8. However, that doesn't mean that the play called wasn't supposed to go for 10 yards over the middle. I don't have any way of knowing if Delhomme has caught Leinertitis and turned into Captain Checkdown. For this reason I wouldn't be hurt if he survives another season with Mangini. After all, if you made Lindy Infante the offensive coordinator for Dick Vermeil and had them run plays for 76 year old Jake Delhomme throwing to Brian Robiske and Mohammed Massequoi, I'm not sure the results would be much different. In fact, they would probably quit. Maybe we should be giving Daboll some credit for not jumping off inner-belt bridge.

This week, Mangini and Daboll get their best remaining chance to improve on last years record of 5-11 when they take on the Fightin' Bengals of Cincinnati. The Bengals are currently 2-11 after getting their asses handed to them by the Steelers yesterday. That continues a now 10 game losing streak started by the Browns back in week four (when Cleveland fans where bemoaning the possibility of the Browns not winning a game until they faced Carolina). This season has been a mess for Cincinnati who lead the league in egos and A-Holes, and fans who will fight you if you correctly point out that Skyline Chili is disgusting ecoli infected pseudofood that looks like 47 day old taco bell meat mixed with New Orleans sewer sludge collected during Mardi Gras.

But that's neither here nor there. The truth is, the Bengals do have talent and should be good enough to compete with any team in the league. The Browns were lucky to escape with a win earlier this season when Carson Palmer threw for over 300 yards, 200 of which went to the most mature and level-headed receiver on their roster, Terrell Owens.

They have a QB who has never been the same after his knee injury in the playoffs a few years ago, but can still get hot at any time. Receivers who are over the hill, but have historically tore up the Browns secondary. A running back in Cedric Benson who is following up a career year with another likely 1,000 yard performance, and playmakers on defense including Dhani Jones, Keith Rivers, Ray Maualuga, and Leon Hall.

To be honest with you, I have no idea how in the world they are 2-11.

But they are, so the Browns should beat them, some way, some how. There is something missing in Cincinnati this year. Let's hope that next week isn't the time that they find it.

An Awkward Glance Ahead At The Cavs

When the Cavs play on Sundays, I try to wait until the game is over to write this. I want to see how they are trending before I get into what is coming.

At this point I can't imagine that it matters. The game is about to start in OKC and I'm just going to assume that the Cavs lose, and lose big. I hope that's OK with everyone. I can't imagine that it matters. This winter of our discontent is progressing into a nightmare. Someone posted in a thread this week to guess the game that the Cavs will next win. All of the games were listed up through December. I haven't yet made my guess. The only thing I keep thinking is that they need to list more games.

It sure doesn't look like that next win will come this week with 3 games scheduled.

The first comes on Wednesday in Souff Beach, where apparently the entirety of the Cav's former talents now resides, much to the chagrin of...well...everyone I know. There isn't such a brouhaha revolving around this game for a few reasons. The first is that the Cavs have made it abundantly clear that they are now a doormat with nary a single interesting player. The second is that the Heat used the earlier debacle as a springboard to rattle off 8 straight wins.

The third, and most important reason, is that the game is in Miami, so the chances of anything happening is much lower than it was in Cleveland. The arena will be about half full at tipoff and the "fans" will slowly wander in during the first half, which is all we will need to all but assure the outcome of the game. The only thing for a Cavs fan to look forward to is the remote possibility of a drunk, geriatric Cleveland transplant running out onto the floor with his walker and throwing his teeth at LeBron.

God I hope that happens.

On Friday, the Cavs finish up their road trip in Indiana. If there's one thing the Cavs have proven this season, it's that they have absolutely no answer for Danny Granger and the Pacers. If you are in Vegas do yourself a favor and give the points.

On Saturday, the Cavs return home to take on the former future landing spot of LeBunghole, the New York Knicks. New York seemed like they tanked the last 4 years in anticipation of the grand arrival, which they acted like was some kind of birthright. They got snubbed too. They took it a little better, though, signing Amare Stoudemire. After a rough start to the season, the Knicks have rattled off 8 straight and 13 of their last 14. In other words, the Cavs stand about the same chance as Lloyd Christmas has of landing Mary Samsonite (I was way off).

Now with the news that Carmelo Anthony will not sign with anyone but the Knicks if he's traded, New York is getting another championship caliber team that it so obviously deserves.

Awesome.

An Awkward Glance Ahead At The Tribe

The winter meetings are over and incredibly, the Tribe didn't make that big free agent singing we were all hoping for. Nick Punto and his broomhandle bat are still on the open market. But, that head-scratching inactivity wasn't the only thing that happened last week to the Tribe. They lost 2 players to the rule 5 draft.

The first, Josh Rodriguez, the Indian's 2nd round pick in 2006, had a good season in the minors last year and is probably gone for good. If he can't stay on the Pirates roster for the entire season, I'm not sure the Indians would want him back.

The second, Jose Flores, was picked by Seattle with the second pick. His selection was kind of a head scratcher in that he spent last year in low A Lake County and now has to spend the entire season on the Mariner's ML roster. It's hard to imagine a player making such a big jump and I hope to get Jose back in the organization this year. Admittedly, I have no idea how often rule 5 players can't hack it and get offered back to their original organizations.

Coming up this week is probably a whole lot more of nothing.

February can't come fast enough, if only to give Indians fans something to talk about.

An Awkward Glance Ahead At The Bowls

New Mexico Bowl Dec 18th 2:00

There are 3 college bowls this week as the most ridiculous postseason in the history of the universe kicks off on Friday when BYU faces off against UTEP in the New Mexico Bowl. Both teams are 6-6 and there is absolutely nothing interesting or compelling about either of them. Kickoff is 2:00PM so you'll probably be at work anyway. If your not at work I'm sure you have something else to do anyway.

Humanitarian Bowl Dec 18th 5:30

The second game is the Humanitarian Bowl pitting MAC runner-up Northern Illinois against against Fresno State on the Blue Turf in Boise Idaho. Northern Illinois is coming off a 10 win season which includes a win over Big Ten juggernaut Minnesota. They lost to Miami (OH) in the MAC championship game.

Fresno State ended up at 8-4 and 4th place in the WAC. They finished out their season with an impressive win against an Illinois team who nobody told that the Big Ten extended the season by one week this year. This came as bad news and bad timing for Illinois' top receiver who had to make up for a week of lost revenue.

R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl Dec 18th 9:00

This matchup pits Ohio University of the Mac against Troy. OU ended the season at 8-4 including a thrashing of eventual MAC champ Miami. Losses to Marshall and Kent St torpedoed any chance they had to win the conference outright, but it was a good season none-the-less.

They are going up against Troy (no longer state). Troy were the winners of a very mediocre Sun Belt Conference and don't boast any very impressive victories. After finishing the season 7-5 they snuck into this bowl because, well, someone had to go.

Look for the Bobcats to the the Buckeye state proud.

Actor Who Will Be In My Movie

Jack Elam

Jack Elam has an extensive movie career, starting in 1944. He has graced the screen with John Wayne, Kirk Douglas, Robert Mitchum, Jimmy Stewart, and Frank Sinatra in Dirty Dingus Magee. None of these things get him a spot in my movie.

What gets him a part in my movie is his immortal roll as Doctor Nikolas Van Helsing in the cinematic masterpiece Cannonball Run. There is hardly a funnier character ever put to film. My brother and I constantly quote his few but memorable lines. I loved him as a kid. I loved him in college, and I love him still. Just an awesome character.

I don't care that he died 7 years ago. With the stuff we can do with CGI now-a-days and can't imagine that it matters anymore.

"California here we come, right back where we started from. Bowers! Bowers!..."

 

 

Youtube Clip Of The Week

This probably should have been last weeks submission. When I wrote the column I wasn't aware that it was Jimmy V week over at ESPN. For those of you who think that ESPN has nothing to offer anymore...well...you're right. Except Jimmy V week.

Here is his famous speech at the 1993 ESPYs.