Written by Andrew Clayman

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If there’s anything that a fan of awful sports teams has in common with a kid on Christmas morning, it’s probably irrational enthusiasm. In the same way children have gone batty over assembly-line crap like Koosh balls and Furbies, Cleveland sports fans-- in their perpetual state of desperation-- will routinely get revved up about any new ballplayer who wanders into town and overachieves for a day or two. And unlike this Jeremy Lin phenomenon in New York, we've never required any mass media hysteria or eye-popping statistics to circle our wagons around a new hero. He might be an undrafted free agent, a career minor leaguer, or a Japanese pitcher better known for his "acting." No matter how much disbelief must be suspended, the dream always begins anew-- the dream of having our own Cinderella story of Tom Brady proportions unfold before our eyes. It's like expecting that Furby from 1998 to eventually net you a cool grand on eBay. It's a fool's dream, but you never learn do you? For further evidence, here are ten Cleveland rookies you stupidly got excited about over the past 20 years.

It should be noted, the following list mostly side steps highly publicized rookies that had a lot of expectations put on them, because normal people get excited about players like that. These are players that YOU got excited about, mainly because you’re a Cleveland sports fan and your brain doesn’t work right.

#10 Cedric Henderson – Cavaliers Forward (1997-2001)

The 1997/98 Cavs were boring as hell to watch but a pretty fascinating squad nonetheless. Contrasting with the unusually high profile acquisition of Shawn Kemp (who was starting to put on his illegitimate baby weight), the team had been completely built from the past two years’ drafts: Zydrunas Ilgauskas and Vitaly Potapenko were the solid Eastern Block big men from the 1996 class, and surprise starters Brevin Knight, Derek Anderson (the less disappointing version?), and Cedric Henderson were all selected in ‘97. Wayne Embry and Mike Fratello proceeded to work a small miracle by getting this bunch to a 47-win season, but there were consequences. Namely, by midseason, you had been convinced that second-round selection Cedric Henderson had all-star potential. The Memphis product averaged 10 points and 4 boards in his rookie year, shooting 48% in the process. His wingspan and athleticism made him a tough defender and especially dangerous on the break, leading you to talk about what a big time scorer he could be if Fratello would just open up the offense. You acknowledged that Henderson’s jump shooting could use some work, but nonetheless, you felt secure in saying that Cedric (or Ced, as Michael Reghi insisted on calling him) would only get better. It’s hilarious how stupid you were. Henderson’s shooting percentage dropped off by chunks the next three years, as did his playing time. The clanging sound of his 10-15 foot jumpers battering the underside of the rim or sides of the backboard are the stuff of legend. Cedric averaged 4 points for the Cavs in 2000/01, starting in just ten games. He was then shipped off to Golden State, where his presence was only a rumor. By 2002, his NBA career was over.

See Also: J.J. Hickson

#9 Lawyer Tillman – Browns Wide Receiver (1989-1993)

The Browns haven’t had a ton of luck taking wide receivers in the second round, but 20 years ago, Auburn standout Lawyer Tillman certainly looked like a far better selection than our modern day Robiskies and Massaquois. The dude was Randy Moss size-- 6’5”, 230 lbs—and had good speed and reliable hands. The main problem was that, unlike the current Browns, the ’89 squad didn’t really need the help (Webster Slaughter, Reggie Langhorne, and Brian Brennan were all still on board). As a result, Lawyer only caught six balls in his rookie year—albeit two for touchdowns. He then mysteriously vanished for two entire years before resurfacing in 1992 as part of a new young receiving duo with Michael Jackson (the less disappointing version?). In a mid November contest against San Diego, Tillman caught eight Mike Tomczak passes for 148 yards. A week later, he hauled in a 52-yard Tomczak bomb, after which you finally proclaimed, “this guy is the real deal!” You were starting to fall for Mike Tomczak, too, but that’s another story. Unfortunately, Bernie Kosar returned from injury for the next game, and Lawyer never tallied more than 3 catches again in his career. “Why, Bernie? Why did you forsake Lawyer Tillman?” you asked. Meanwhile, Lawyer caught 2 balls for Carolina in 1995 and said, “my work here is done.”

See Also: Frisman Jackson

#8 Kazuhito Tadano – Indians Pitcher (2004-2005)

The Indians were in full rebuilding mode in 2003, going as far as to fly in marginal Japanese League propsects in a desperate attempt to mend an awful pitching staff. As luck would have it, though, 23 year-old Kaz Tadano seemed to be well worth the plane ticket, breezing through the minor leagues with a 1.55 overall ERA in ’03. 2004 did not start out quite so well, however. In January, the internet informed America that Kaz had “starred” in a gay porno movie in Japan several years earlier (insert obvious pitcher/catcher joke here). More shockingly, the internet was actually telling the truth, and Tadano had to explain why people sometimes do weird things for money. The incident brought him name recognition, and his predictably funky wind-up and array of breaking pitches made him fun to watch—on the mound more so than on the internet. Still, Kaz was only pitching sporadically and quite shittily for the Indians in ’04 up until June 26, when he spelled an injured CC Sabathia and went 6 innings against Colorado, allowing only 1 run and striking out 9. Five days later, he got the start versus Cincinnati and picked up an impressive win, striking out 10 in a 15-2 Indians rout. It was during this game that you stupidly got excited about Kazuhito Tadano (more as a ballplayer than an actor, but you were feeling pretty open-minded at that point). Unfortunately, Tadano got shelled by Texas in his next game and pretty much never pitched well in America again.

See Also: Masahide Kobayashi

#7 Gerald Paddio – Cavaliers Guard (1990-91)

Everybody knows the Lenny Wilkens era Cavs had some straight-up ballers in the backcourt, but you always felt like somebody was getting unjustly overlooked. Sure, Price and Ehlo were solid. Kerr could stroke it. Even John Morton could put up points in a hurry. But in 1990, you just wouldn’t shut up about the kid out of UNLV, Gerald Paddio. Sure, he only averaged about 7 points per game, but that was in limited duty. GP was actually pouring in 15 points for every 36 minutes he was on the floor, and with Mark Price on ice for most of the season, Paddio stepped up when needed, dropping 20+ points in four different ballgames. He could create his own shot, draw fouls, and make his free throws. And at 6’7”, he made for a nice matchup against smaller shooting guards. Yup, you liked Gerald Paddio a lot, which was stupid of you. After playing in 70 games for Cleveland in 1990-91, he only appeared in 59 more the rest of his career, which went poof in 1994.

Although... To be fair, Gerald did become quite the globe trotter after his NBA days. For ten more years, he played pro ball in Spain, Italy, Israel, Japan, Mexico, Lebanon, and Argentina. In fact, some say he's still out there-- roaming the earth like Caine-- starting pick-up games and spinning yarns of his Richfield glory days.

#6 Jacob Cruz – Indians Outfielder (1998-2001)

During a couple cups of coffee with San Francisco, Jacob Cruz had already revealed a mechanically sound left-handed stroke remindful of a less dopey looking John Olerud.  Then, in July of 1998, the Tribe acquired the then 25 year-old outfielder as part of the much celebrated extradition of Jose Mesa. Cruz would only bat once for Cleveland that year—a whiff. But in 1999, like an idiot, you got excited about the kid. Despite only hitting so-so in Buffalo, Cruz got called up in June and immediately started to rake. During a 7-game hitting streak in late July, the Arizona State grad went a ridiculous 15 for 30, raising his season average to .371. To any observer, this was a guy who would be a .300 Major League hitter for many years to come. Any stupid observer, anyway. An inability to stay healthy quickly sent Jacob into a tailspin from which he’d never recover. He only appeared in 11 games in 2000, and the Indians traded him to Colorado in 2001 for Jody Gerut—who wound up being the exact same person. Cruz disappeared in ’05 with a career average of .241.

See Also: Reggie Jefferson

#5 Eric Zeier – Browns Quarterback (1995)

If ever a Cleveland sports radio topic went from major to irrelevant overnight, it was the fate of your favorite quarterback, Eric Zeier. This was 1995. Bernie was gone, Bellichick was still here, Vinny was the starter, and there were dark forces brewing. Eric Zeier was playing the role of Colt McCoy—the third round draft pick in his rookie season forced into action after Testaverde went down in week 6. Considering the city’s general distaste for Vinny, Zeier became—ever so briefly—a local hero, tossing a TD in his debut. Vinny came back a week later, but a 3-game losing streak led Bellichick to install Zeier at the helm in week 9 against the Bengals, and the kid responded with a 300 yard day. “There’s our future right there,” you stupidly said. Later that week, it became official that the Browns had no future at all, as the owner (Satan, Lord of Darkness) was moving the team to Baltimore. The Browns were 4-4 at the time, and dumb fans like you had been clamoring for Zeier to be named the starter for the rest of the season. On November 5, Eric threw 3 picks in a 37-10 loss to Houston as fans started tearing chairs out of Cleveland Stadium (it was freezing cold, too—easily one of the most depressing afternoons in the history of sports). A week later, he managed 67 yards through the air against Pittsburgh in a 20-3 loss. Vinny was back in at starter the following week, and that’s pretty much where that drama ended, in case you kind of lost track at the time.

See Also: Charlie Frye

#4 Tommy Kramer – Indians Pitcher (1991, 93)

My dad once stood with me in the dank walkways of Municipal Stadium trying to get a post-game autograph out of Tom Kramer, a bespeckled right-hander who could certainly rank among the least interesting players in Indians history. In such an instance, one would think that an athlete this remarkably unremarkable would happily sign a ball for anyone who even recognized that he was, in fact, an athlete. But instead, Tommy Kramer coldly rebuffed us. Now, being a Joey Belle fan at the time, I actually respected the rudeness, but you probably would have felt devastated, considering you actually thought this soft-tossing dolt was the bee’s knees at the time. Remember? Sure you do. Tommy was a fifth round pick in 1987, and he moved up the ranks at a pretty standard pace—cup of coffee in 1991 and a roster spot in ’93. He was strictly a bullpen guy early on that season and performed well, earning himself a start on May 24 against Texas. That’s when your dumb ass basically fell head over heels for this piece of crap. 9 innings, 1 hit, 1 run, 8 Ks. Tom Kramer had arrived! His ERA was also sitting at 2.48 for the season. “This fella has the intangibles,” you said. Naturally, he got shelled in his next four starts and was back in the bullpen by August. He wrapped up an extremely inconsistent rookie campaign with a respectable 7-3 record, 4.08 ERA, and 1.53 WHIP. With a rotation in shambles, the only man who started more games for the Tribe in ’93 than Tom Kramer was, funnily enough, Jose Mesa. “Tommy’s only 25. He’ll definitely be in the mix next year,” you said. He never pitched in the Majors again.

See Also: Jason Davis

#3 Luke Jackson – Cavaliers Forward (2004-2006)

Technically, Luke Jackson probably shouldn’t be on this list. He was a first round pick, after all. And #10 overall, no less! But if we’re talking about stupidly getting excited about a rookie, the system still works, considering that Luke was still officially a rookie in his second season of pro basketball. If you recall, Jackson was selected out of Oregon with the hopes that he could add some much needed outside shooting to a Cavs team now built entirely around its teenage small forward (Satan, Lord of Darkness). Instead, Luke stepped on the floor in only 10 games during the 04-05 campaign, making a grand total of 4 three-pointers for the entire season. This unfortunate series of events managed to stomp down most of the Luke-based enthusiasm the following year. But-- moronically citing Larry Bird as a guy “in his mold”—you held out hope. Roughly six years ago, your foolish fascination with Luke Jackson hit its pinnacle. On December 20, 2005, Luke scored a then career-best 14 points against Utah (8 of them coming from the line, but STILL!). Then, on January 12, in a thrilling 99-98 loss to the Lakers, Jackson went 3 for 3 from beyond the arc and scored 11 as a key rally-starter off the bench. “Luuuuuuuuke,” you roared from the cheap seats whenever Jackson felt ballsy enough to put a shot up. “He’s turning into a difference maker!” Predictably, the Cavs traded the shaggy-haired scrub before the following season. He bounced around on some 10-day contracts and currently is doing his best Larry Bird impression in Gerald Paddio's old stomping grounds, playing for Hapoel Jerusalem B.C. of the Israeli Basketball Super League.

See Also: Trajan Langdon

#2 Ben Gay – Browns Running Back (2001)

No player probably represents the expansion Browns era better than Benjamin Stevenson Gay—the 6’1” halfback who’d been tossed out of Baylor and walked out on the Edmonton Eskimos of the CFL after one preseason game. Undrafted, unheard of, unbelievable! And his name is Ben Gay! Holy crap! You loved this guy instantly. It didn’t hurt that he was running like his ass was on fire during the preseason and made the team in a somewhat startling rags to riches tale. Your love for Ben Gay was only aided by the ineptitude of the other backs on the team, James Jackson and Jaleel White. Sorry-- Jamel White (still make that mistake!). Despite your demands, however, Ben Gay didn’t get a single carry until week 9 against the defending champion Ravens. That’s when Ben Gay finally broke out for a decent 56 yards on 18 carries and the first (and only) touchdown of Ben Gay’s career, as the Browns shocked Baltimore 27-17. Highlights were few and far between after that for Ben Gay. Ben Gay put up 46 yards on just 7 carries against Tennessee in a week 16 win. But the 7-9 Browns missed the playoffs and Ben Gay returned to Parts Unknown, possibly to help people treat their joint pain. Because his name was Ben Gay.

See Also: James Davis

#1 Jeff Manto – Indians Infielder (1990, 91, 97-2000)

John Hart may have built the mighty Cleveland Indians teams of the ‘90s, but he wasn’t immune to stupidly getting excited about players just like you do. This was especially true of Jeff Manto— baseball’s real life Crash Davis—whom Hart repeatedly fell for and forgot about in Eternal Sunshine style. During Manto’s first go-round with Cleveland (having been acquired in the trade that sent Scottie Bailes to the Angels), he was already old for a rookie—25 with six years in the Minors under his belt. He was mashing in AAA, though, and you were pretty stoked when he finally got his first call-up in June of 1990.  In your defense, the 1990 Indians gave you very few reasons to be conscious let alone excited, so Manto would have to do. Unfortunately, Jeff didn’t show much power or poise during his brief stints in Cleveland in ’90 or ’91, and Hart cut him loose. Afterward, Manto walked his own road for awhile, and both he and the Indians saw some happier days, particularly in 1995 (Jeff smacked a career best 17 homers for the Orioles that year). Finally, with the Indians pushing toward another pennant in 1997, Hart reacquired Manto in a deal with Toronto. Jeff went to AAA Buffalo and mashed, of course, and he got his call-up in August, sparking your excitement like old times. Aside from a couple homers against the Yankees in September, though, he didn’t do too much, and Hart waived him the following April.

Now buckle your safety belts, cuz this is where things start to get really stupid. The Tigers picked up Manto, then dropped him two months later, and guess what? The Indians scooped him up again! This was exciting for you, no doubt. The masher Mickey Manto Claus was back in the fold. ...Aside from a couple homers in August, though, he didn’t do too much, and Hart released him again at season’s end. ...Then, in January of 1999, the Indians signed Jeff Manto to a free agent contract! Yay! Maybe this would finally be the year you’d long waited for; the year Jeff Manto gets a full season to show that record-breaking power that had already made him a Triple-A legend. But no. Manto Version 4.0 only played sparingly and swatted just one homer, and Hart waived him yet again in July of '99. The Yankees then claimed him, got bored with him, and cut him in August. That’s when Jeff Manto signed a free agent contract with… the Indians! By god, the dream is alive! Jeff went down to AAA Buffalo and kept on a mashin’ to the tune of 23 dingers and a .296 average. Sadly, there wasn't even a September call-up this time, though, and Hart released Manto AGAIN at season’s end. Colorado went and signed the now 35 year-old Mr. Manto before the 2000 season, and alas, the ship had finally sailed on this saga. …........ Or had it?! No! The Rockies shocked the world and released Manto after the first month of the '00 season, and guess who picked him up?? Just guess, goddamn it! Yes! The Indians! The Indians did! And so he went down to Buffalo, and he mashed again, though not quite as mashingly as before. And your excitement was admittedly fading at this point and had gone on quite too long anyway. Much like this article, really.

Closing Stat: Jeff Manto played for the Tribe six different times over ten years and hit a total of 9 homeruns for you. Keep hope alive, Suckers!