After being the face of the Columbus Blue Jackets since he was drafted in 2003, Rick Nash will call New York City his home for the foreseeable future. The 28-year-old Nash was traded on Monday to the Rangers, along with a conditional third-round pick and minor league defenseman Steven Delisle, in exchange for Brandon Dubinsky, Artem Anisimov, Tim Erixon, and a first-round draft selection in 2013. A Nash deal had been imminent for quite some time, and the Rangers were the team most associated with the Nash rumors. The trade finally came to fruition around 2 p.m. on Monday afternoon.

The Columbus Blue Jackets made the playoffs just once, their only postseason appearance in franchise history, with Nash on the team back in 2009. They were swept in four games by the Detroit Red Wings, but the Jackets looked like a team on the rise. As a result, the Jackets signed Nash to an eight-year, $62.4M contract that following offseason to be the anchor of the franchise through the 2018-19 season. As the Blue Jackets continued to struggle and failed at repeated efforts to surround Nash with the proper talent, General Manager Scott Howson began to feel the pressure. Nash was the organization's chief trade asset and could net the team a minimum of three-to-five helpful players or draft picks and something that the organization could start to develop around.

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I have seen the future, and I am afraid.

Last week we took a trip to the “happiest place on earth” – Disneyland. My kids are all little, and all have been sufficiently brainwashed by the Walt Disney Company, so this was less a family vacation and more of a pilgrimage to the Mecca of the Mouse so we could pay our respects. And “pay” is the operative word.

You know those people that love Disney everything? Adults that wear Disney logo t-shirts and drink out of Disney-logo mugs and crap on a toilet with mouse ears on it? I am not one of those people. I hate those people. When I see Disney, I see a ruthless and efficient marketing machine that programs children to adore them like Christian Scientists do at their reeducation camps, and then demands as much of your money as they can extract, like Christian Scientists. Hearts, minds, and wallets all pay homage to the mouse.

Unfortunately due to numerous parental failings on my part, my children have fallen prey to their ruthless clasps, and therefore we had to visit Disneyland on vacation. The shakedown starts right away when I’m forced to pay $15 to park my car. Mind you, there is nowhere else I can go but into the park after I park my car, but nonetheless, here’s an extra $15 they can charge me, and they do. My car is then directed through a huge labyrinth of a garage to a precise spot with chilling efficiency. And it hits me – Disney has mastered mind control, and they also have mastered crowd control. This thought takes root in my head.

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The Avengers was good and fine, Pixar cranked out another animated gem, and we endured the highly unnecessary MTV-reboot of Spider-Man.

Now that the warm-up acts have cleared the stage, it’s time for what we got the sitter for.

At this point, telling you that the latest installment in the ridiculously successful Batman film series comes out on Friday is like cluing you in that there’s going to be a presidential election this fall. The Dark Knight Rises - the conclusion of this Christopher Nolan/Christian Bale trilogy that came out of nowhere seven years ago to change the way Hollywood justifies not developing any new ideas - is not just the most highly anticipated movie of the year, but one of the most eagerly awaited films of all time.

And while Cleveland sat up and paid a little extra attention when The Avengers hit the cineplexes because they ripped up East Ninth Street and cocked up downtown traffic for weeks last summer to film a big battle scene, there’s actually much more of a connection between the cinematic world of Batman than the sunshiny Candy Land we see in The Avengers.

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If there is a silver lining to the weirdly similar injuries suffered by the Cavs’ Kyrie Irving and Indians’ Nick Hagadone this past week, it’s that they have raised public awareness about a very serious issue. Today, far too many professional athletes no longer know how to punch a wall properly. And they need our help.

As Cleveland fans, we have been uniquely trained from birth in the art of expressing sports-related frustrations through physical violence. After a half dozen decades of heartache and anguish, punching walls is about as natural to us as sarcastic applause, or chanting the names of players who have an “oo” sound in their names. I suppose that’s why we’ve long taken it for granted that our sporting heroes would share our knack for cinder-block fisticuffs. It’s only now—with two players lost for 6-to-8 weeks—that our responsibility to educate these naïve youngsters has become so painfully evident. So, without further ado… Mr. Irving, Mr. Hagadone… please take notes. This is the easy 5-step tutorial for boxing those bricks without consequences. This is… “How to Punch a Wall: A Handy Guide for Cleveland Athletes." 

Wall Punching 101: Let’s Get Started!

Much like the lost arts of bunting and free-throw shooting, wall punching is an action best mastered through repetition. It also requires a special attention to detail and good solid fundamentals. Admittedly, keeping all these elements in order when in the midst of a fiery, psychotic rage can be quite challenging, indeed. But that’s where muscle memory comes in. If you follow these steps and punch a whole bunch of walls the RIGHT way, then you’ll never need to worry about punching another wall the WRONG way-- like you did last week. Morons.

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