If you’re going to suck, suck historically. If you’re going to lose, lose in record-setting fashion. Any collection of stiffs, humps and mediocre ball players could have probably won at least a game or two in Kansas City, Minnesota and Detroit, but this collection of stiffs, humps and mediocre ballplayers, put together by men who truly understand mediocrity, well, they went to great lengths to at least do something that no collection of Cleveland stiffs, humps and mediocre ball players (and there have been hundreds in my lifetime alone) has ever done in the 112 year history of the team: they went 0-9 on this recent road trip and they earned every single loss honestly.

It’s the Weekend Wrap.

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The suffocating disappointments of the past 20 years have left Cleveland Browns fans relatively numb to most things. Another starter blows out his achilles in training camp? “Oh well.” A cartoonish truck-stop tycoon named Jimmy buys the franchise a month before the season starts? “Mmkay.” But when the Browns’ new owner left the door open to changing the team’s famously minimalist uniforms, the fan base was suddenly stirred from its trance. “He wouldn’t put a logo on the helmet, would he?!” we gasped in a collective, hysterical panic. “Not the helmets!” we repeated to no one in particular, collapsing slowly into a fetal position. “Please, not the helmets!”

But yes, folks. It could happen. Just like Chief Wahoo retiring to a gated community for bigoted mascots somewhere in central Florida, the Browns’ beautifully blank, pumpkin-colored lids may soon be replaced with a snazzier, 21st century model. Probably not next year. And most likely not the year after that, either. But as a Knoxville boy from the NASCAR school of logo inundation, Jimmy Haslam III is eventually going to consider every avenue toward better brand recognition, and we’d be wise to prepare for it.

Believe it or not, some people seem to think the current Browns’ uniforms are “ugly” and/or “an abomination,” while others single out the logo-less helmet specifically as being “boring,” “stupid,” and “all orange and stuff.” These are harsh realties that consistently leave Browns merchandise sales behind the competition of silvery, shinier, stripier teams like the Patriots, Broncos, and Eagles.

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Now that the instantaneous “Whatchoo talkin’ ‘bout Willis?” reaction to the news of the Browns being sold has passed and the knee-jerk predictions of who will lose what job and how this is either the best or worst thing to ever happen in our lives, I think we’re at a point where we can actually sit back and intelligently marinade the possibilities.

Let’s start with just how crazy-ass fast this happened. Or more specifically, how an organization that can’t keep staphylococcus under control could keep a secret this big for this long.

This bizarre little story exploded out of the darkness and came at us like a spider monkey. As a result, with the Roadrunner-cartoon-pace that it developed, we conjure the image of Randy Lerner and Jimmy Haslam III meeting by chance at one of those clubs for people with rich daddies who have no interest in football. Then, after a few drinks that each cost more than my couch, they hit the karaoke bar.

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In part one of “A Dawg’s Eye” I talked about some of the things I would be looking for at training camp when I watched the offense, and in part two we’ll be taking a look at the defense. Anyone who watched the 2011 Browns season would already know that the defense under HC Pat Shurmur and DC Dick Jauron far outperformed the offense, and the story of the defense during training camp will probably be about taking the next step as a unit.

One way the Browns ‘D’ could get better is by creating turnovers. The defense ranked 10^th in the league when you look at total yards given up a game, and for a team that had an offense which ranked 29^th in total yards a game, 28^th in rushing yards a game, and 30^th in points I think they had an outstanding season, but there is still room to get better. Taking the ball away and giving the Browns young offense more chances to put points on the board would be a great step forward for this defense.

Training camp will give the defense an opportunity to grow even more as a unit as well as give the coaching staff the chance to increase and expand some defensive packages. Last year with no offseason and switching base defenses from a 3-4 to a 4-3 time didn’t allow for a high volume of creative packages. Although the general theme of coordinator Dick Jauron’s defenses doesn’t call for a ton of complicated and exotic looks, you could tell that last year the coaching staff concentrated even more on using simpler schemes. This was really evident in sub defenses where you really didn’t see specialized personnel packages until the end of the season.

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