I’ve always found it hilarious how much hand-wringing and panty-bunching occurs over preseason football games.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand why people - particularly Browns fans - get excited. Summer is still hanging around like an in-law who won’t take the hint and we yearn for any indication that there will soon be a time when humidity doesn’t oppress our will to live like a third-world dictator. Plus, we’ve all been worn down by the Indians’ annual dissolve and need a fresh start.
So when there’s suddenly football, we perk up and our pulse starts to quicken. And then, in our zeal, we go way too far and start to believe that how the Browns fare in their exhibition games in any way predicts how they will fare in the regular season.
And that, friends, is trying to rationalize an episode of Scooby-Doo.
Not surprisingly, for as much energy as we spend sifting through the rubble of each preseason scrum in the days following, we have no lasting memory of them the way we do for actual games, even post-1999 games. That’s because having any kind of lasting emotional memory of a preseason game is like looking back fondly at that time you vacuumed the living room.
That being said, there have been a handful of preseason games in the Browns’ long history that, like the NBA and Blockbuster Video, teeter on the brink of marginal relevance.