It might seem like an exercise in futility to even pose this question, since the best egg in a rotten batch is still disgusting. But with Pat Shurmur now officially the latest to sink into the quicksand of the Cleveland sideline, it seems a fitting time to formally re-visit the entire rogue's gallery of head coaching mis-hires since the Browns' ill-fated "rebirth" in 1999.

From a field of candidates even less inspiring than the ones we've put in Congress, which head coach of your 21st century Cleveland Browns would now earn your vote as the “best”— or at least, the one who got the most out of the paltry arsenal bestowed upon him? Given a choice between Palmer, Davis, Crennel, Mangini, and Shurmur, who—to put it more bluntly—sucked the least?

Bit of a perverse undertaking, ain’t it? They are, after all, five upstanding gentlemen from diverse backgrounds—unwittingly bound together in a fraternity of colossal failure. None of them won more games than they lost, and none managed approval ratings much higher than Watergate era Nixon or post-inferno Nero. But across the span of 14 seasons, logic would dictate that at least one of these whistle-wearing numbskulls made you feel a little less homicidal than the others.

Memory clouded by a fog of lingering angst? No worries. As luck would have it, all five of the expansion Browns’ head coaches are here today to personally and shamelessly pander to you for re-consideration—like a Presidential debate with more khakis.

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Now that the Regular Season has come to an end (mercifully, for some teams in, say, Northeast Ohio), it is worthwhile to look back at one's Preseason picks for the Playoffs and see which teams did as expected and which surprised.

Before the season started, these were my foolish picks:

NFC Division Champs - Eagles, Saints, Seahawks, Packers

NFC Wild Cards - Lions, 49ers

AFC Division Champs - Ravens, Texans, Patriots, Chiefs

AFC Wild Cards - Titans, Steelers

Super Bowl:  Texans vs. Packers

SB Winner: Texans

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First of all, there are no hard feelings towards Pat Shurmur.  He didn’t offer any evidence to suggest it would be a mistake to part ways, and the new regime didn’t seek any.  The Cleveland Browns are going in a new direction, which I applaud because I’ve never sensed that they’ve had any inkling of direction at all.  I realize that sounds harsh, but is there really an effective way to sugar-coat these past fourteen seasons?

One thing I’m running short on is patience.  I suppose that I’m as thick-skinned as the next Browns fan, but I dread the thought of starting over.  Just tell me there’s something in place that doesn’t need to be made-over.  Help me identify building blocks or, dare I say, a core.  What I see right now is a team that practices in Berea, and is the subject of a show on the Travel Channel, despite the fact they aren’t a very good football team.

Our eyes are open; you don’t need to be an analyst to see it.  Four or five wins per season, a few of the losses will be ultra-humiliating, and a continued dead end at the quarterback position; that’s the type of consistency that we get year in and year out.  That’s business as usual in Berea.  There is no low point, just this insane fluctuation between 11 and 12 losses that always keeps them at arm’s length from stumbling into the next big thing.

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Many years ago there was an episode of The Simpsons - a "Treehouse of Horrors" episode - where Bart possessed mind powers to do anything he wanted.  And if you had an issue with that - BAM! - he turned you into a dog or a jack-in-the-box.  For fun, he turned the cat into some kind of strange fire-breathing creature, and when it caused its inevitable havoc, the family was forced to act happy about it.

Marge:  Oh good!  The curtains are on fire!

Homer:  It's good you made that awful thing, Bart!

This sums up the life of a Browns fan.

Act happy about the awful things that occur since you are powerless to do otherwise.

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