Last Saturday, it was my friend Chris’ birthday, and after a morning workout, we had gone to lunch at a wonderful local burger joint, Hopdoddy. I had a burger with a fried egg, a Parmesan cheese crisp, some sun-dried tomato pesto, bacon, Sriracha, and maybe a kilo of pure Columbian yayo*(or at least it created the same ecstatic reaction as if said ingredient was included). On the side I had what was called a “skinny dip” which is a pimp goblet the size of a small fishbowl filled with beer and a heaping scoop of frozen margarita. So being full, tired, and with a cocktail in me, I desperately needed a nap.

I get home and find the kids are at the neighbor’s house playing. Bingo. Excitedly, I steal off to the bedroom, and create a little nest to escape the world for 20 minutes or so. Just as I get almost to sleep, though, I hear the door open and there’s crying. Great, no nap for Lars today.

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As a handicapper, every edge that you can find is a good one. If you’re scanning through the internet and find some injury news or hear some kind of inside info about a behind-the-scenes issue between a player and coach or some personal distraction, every little bit helps. Staying informed on the teams is important, but it isn’t everything. You have to stay informed on the market.

Just like the stock market, you can see things beginning to happen in the betting market. Trends, increases, devaluations, and the like are all things that you have to monitor. Betting is the same way. There are large betting syndicates who bet a large sum of money and it will move a line. There are respected pros that bet a lot of money and can move a line. An avalanche of public money from amateurs or wanna-be pros can move a line. All of these movements are tracked by websites who use what are called “line screens.” Some line screen pay services will track these moves in real-time. Most line screen websites do offer free versions, but they are delayed, usually somewhere between 15-45 minutes.

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My current job can best be described as an independent entrepreneur, which makes the ubiquitous “what do you do for a living” question an awkward interrogative for me to respond to in a clear, concise, and non-rambling manner. I chose this course of action for a number of reasons, with certainly the potential to hit the proverbial (and, from my experience, mythical) home run so I can get out of the grind being near the top of the list. But more, I like the freedom being my own boss affords me. No irrational requests from egomaniacal sociopaths, no more fighting bureaucracy to make a simple and obvious decision, and no more worrying what to do with all my extra income, because there isn’t any. Wait, that last piece sucks. But I digress.

So when I found myself this week forced to do something uncomfortable and nonsensical for the sake of politics, it really bothered me. How dare anyone impose their will on me and force me to do something that doesn’t make any sort of sense, and disrupts the harmonious chi I seek on a daily basis! That is a special privilege I reserve for the my children at 6 AM (“sure, I’d love to get up RIGHT NOW and watch Mickey Mouse reruns with you. I was just thinking I need to do that instead of get proper sleep”), and for the commercial airlines, the SPECTRE in the novel of Lars Bond’s life.

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Situational handicapping is one of the best ways to make money as a bettor. You don’t even have to be overly familiar with the teams or the way that they matchup to make an educated guess in these instances. How many times do you realize that you have a busy day tomorrow, so you spend tonight just relaxing and sitting on the couch? Or, what if you have to travel to the opposite coast for work next weekend, so you spend that weekend having a cookout in the backyard as an excuse to drink beer and not do anything?

There are situations in football that are similar to this. Travel is a big deal when it comes to certain football games. Think about some of the factors that come into play. East coast teams traveling to the West coast to play games that kick off at 4:05 p.m. according to their body. West coast teams heading to East Coast cities and playing what essentially amounts to a 9 or 10 a.m. game. Dome teams having to go play in harsh conditions in a cold weather city. Teams from moisture-heavy climates, whose bodies are used to breathing in the heavy air, having to go to play in cities like Denver, Provo (Brigham Young U.), and Cheyenne (Wyoming).

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